Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Mental Health

Sometimes I wonder if my readers get sick of hearing about mental health from me.

I'm focusing on it again because October 7-13 is Mental Health Awareness Week.

I hope you'll stick with me for a few minutes and think about this important topic.

Even if you have never been diagnosed with a mental illness, your mental health is worth contemplating. 

When our brains are functioning well, our mental health is good and life is manageable and satisfying. When we have problems in the ways our brains function, life can rapidly deteriorate into something overwhelming and hopeless.

So it's good for all of us to think about mental health this week.

If you have good mental health, thank the Lord for that.

If you are struggling, ask for help. You don't have to go for years and years feeling bad and missing out on the happiness that's possible.

If you love or know someone with a mental health challenge, try to be supportive and understanding. Learn all you can about their illness and don't expect them to just "snap out of it." But you can't let them wallow in their illness, either. It's tough to find that balance, but you need to do it.

If all of us work on having good mental health and get more comfortable talking about it, the world can be a better place.

People will be more aware of how their brains function and they'll take steps to get healthy as soon as they notice any movement toward a downward spiral. 

People won't hide their feelings and stubbornly keep their "happy masks" on. They'll drop their guard and get support when they need it.

People won't ignore the symptoms they see in a friend or loved one's life. They'll ask questions and help get that person back to a healthier place.

Thanks for reading, everyone, and I pray that all of you do all that you can to enjoy good mental health.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27 NIV)

Do you struggle with a mental health diagnosis? Do you know someone who does? How can focusing on God help you (or that person) get to a healthy place again?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on What We're Thinking

Have you ever noticed that when you focus on something, you seem to see it show up everywhere?

It's often that way for me. I become aware of a certain idea or concept and suddenly I see it on TV, read about it in books, and hear people talking about it randomly.

This time it's the idea that our thoughts create our moods.

In recent months I had been introduced to that idea on The Life Coach School Podcast by Brooke Castillo. It was kind of a hard concept to accept, but as she talked about it over and over I began to understand what she was saying and I could see it happening in my own life.

We don't just get angry or sad or happy automatically when something happens. How we feel is determined by what we're thinking about the situation.

That's why the exact same situation (like getting cut off in traffic) can make us furious one day (That jerk! He saw me but he just pulled right in front of me!) and on another day it might not upset us at all (Okay, he's sure in a hurry. I guess he didn't see me!).

I bought several books on depression recently (for research) and I cracked open Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns a couple of days ago. Imagine my surprise when one of the first thoughts in the book was this: "You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment."

When someone is depressed, they nearly always have distorted thoughts. It's been fascinating to read about those thoughts and recognize the ones that I tend to think often. I've improved so much in recent years, but I still have some work to do to combat that distorted thinking.

Maybe you're not depressed, but I hope you can see how your thoughts influence your entire life. If you're focused on the negatives (about yourself or others) then you're not going to be much fun to be around. If you're focused, instead, on the positives then you can't help but enjoy life at least a little bit more.

As I've been pondering this idea in recent weeks, I was also reminded that it is a concept mentioned in the Bible. Proverbs 23:7 in the NKJV says, "For as he [or she] thinks in his [or her] heart, so is he [or she].

So, friends, I'll just ask it straight out: What are you thinking? Next time you're extremely upset about something, try to find the troublesome thought that is behind the feeling. By changing that thought you just might be able to change how you're feeling about a situation.

It's not easy, and I'm sure it takes lots of practice. I've built up over fifty years of feeling certain ways without giving much thought to what's going on in my head, but it's time to change that.

I hope it doesn't take me another fifty years to learn to apply all of this! 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Can you catch the thoughts that lead to bad feelings for you? How can focusing on God help you to replace those with more positive and true thoughts that will improve your mood and your life?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Writing a Book

Have you ever watched a young kid work up the courage to jump off a diving board?

The child shifts nervously and does a few practice bounces. Their arms move as if they want to jump, but it doesn't happen. You call your encouragement from down in the water: "You can do it! Come on!"

( Not me. Image from http://www.conceptualdynamics.com/files/partnewt/partnewt_fbd_cex1.JPG)

You just know that kid is going to love the thrill of jumping in, but they have to work up the courage to finally leave the safety of the diving board and take the plunge.

Well, friends, I'm ready to jump.

I'm sick of saying I'm going to write a book someday. I have lots of people cheering me on and urging me to do it. I see facebook posts from author friends having book launch parties and holding their brand new books. They talk about the hard parts - the deadlines and the editing - but they also rave about the thrill of touching someone's life through their writing. I want to do that.

So it's time.

My working title is "Staying Away From the Edge" and it's about depression. I'll share my experience with going over the edge, but I also plan to share other people's stories and lots of ideas for staying away from the edge and remaining emotionally healthy.

I'm focusing on it here so you'll hold me accountable. If all of my loyal readers know I'm writing, maybe that will keep me going to the end.

I've been thinking and praying about this and I'd like to go a step further. I'm wondering if a few of you would be willing to pray for me as I write. Maybe you can shoot me a facebook message every once in a while and ask how it's going. I have a plan for getting a first draft done by June 2, but I know that I could be sidetracked by lots of distractions and doubts if I don't have people praying for me.

You can also help me write it by sending me any thoughts you have about depression and how you stay healthy emotionally. Send it to: nestrobynmulder @ gmail.com

Maybe there's something you've been talking about doing for far too long. Friends, it's time to take the leap. Tell me about it and I'll pray for you, too. 

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you [in a book?] what he has done for me." (Psalm 66:16 NIV)

Are you standing at the end of the diving board trying to work up the courage to jump? How can focusing on God help you to finally take that leap?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on What We're Moving Toward

Gary and I attended an event in Omaha on Thursday about Mental Health and the Church. It was put on by Fresh Hope (we facilitate a small group in Allison). It was a good day of hearing talks from Amy Simpson, Joe Padilla, and Pastor Brad Hoefs.

I enjoyed the day so much, but I was surprised to find myself getting kind of emotional toward the end of the event. Tears filled my eyes and I had to brush them away. I tried to figure out what was going on that was making me cry, but I was kind of stumped. 

I think it had to do with medicine at first. I started wondering if I should try going off my medicine (even though Fresh Hope strongly advocates for working with your doctors and staying on the medicines they prescribe), and then that kind of turned into negative feelings about the future. 

How silly to sit in the middle of an event focused on hope for those with a mental health challenge and start to lose that same hope. 

The Bible mentions hope over 120 times - that's a lot of hope!

Finally, my thoughts started to come back around when I heard Pastor Brad say something like this: "Focus on what you're moving toward, not what you're moving away from."

As you know, I love that word "focus." I realized what was going wrong in my thinking. I was focusing on the depression, the uncertainties of my mental health, the challenges of each day and what could go wrong.

Instead, I had to get my focus back where it belonged. I had to think about moving toward hope and a thriving life because Christ lives in me. 

We're more likely to hit the target if we're actually looking toward it instead of  behind us.

Maybe you're dealing with similar challenges as you read this. Can I urge you to focus on what you're moving toward instead of what you're moving away from?

Focus on little acts of kindness you can show toward your spouse that will bring you closer instead of focusing on how he (or she) has offended you or your own mistakes in communicating and relating.

Focus on small changes that will move you closer to a healthier, slimmer body instead of focusing on your tendency to overeat or what you look like in the mirror.

Focus on how much God loves you instead of focusing on how many times you've failed Him. (Another great quote from Thursday's event: "You're safe and you're enough.")

Focus on what you're moving toward instead of what you're moving away from. As for me, I'm going to keep moving toward hope.

"...one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal...." (Philippians 3:13-14 NIV)

Are you focused too much on what you're moving away from? How can focusing on God help you to move steadily ahead toward your goal?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Medicine

This may be a tough post to write. I'm praying as I begin that it won't be a hard one to read. Stay with me and let me know what you think in the comments. 

I'm going to start a new antidepressant tomorrow morning. The old one worked quite well. It got me to a stable place after I was very sick with clinical depression about two years ago. It had a couple of minor side effects, so I talked with my doctor and decided to try a new medication and see if that works better.

I had to taper off the old medicine. When I went to a half dose, I felt quite good. I continued feeling great for the first few days after I stopped taking it completely. 

As usual, my idealistic tendencies started to kick in. 

Maybe I'll keep feeling great and I can get off medication.
Maybe I'm strong enough to keep depression away for good.
Maybe I'm not depressed anymore.

Then Thursday happened.

I had some frustrations with my laptop and when I tried to talk to Gary about it I dissolved in tears. At lunch time I was on the verge of crying for most of the meal. Little things upset me all day and I felt anger trying to take over. (I didn't let it.) Thank goodness we had Fresh Hope that night. Even though I cried more than usual, it was great to talk to friends who understood those feelings and could urge me to hang in there.

Earlier in the day, Gary came home for lunch and I went to him for a hug as I tearfully admitted "I don't want to need medication."

And that's really the sum of it. I'm proud. I want to be strong enough to do life without help. I don't want to have to take something.

The truth is, depression runs in my family. I've experienced many seasons of depression over the years. I always came out of it eventually, but not without lots of tears, frustration, and angst.

Thursday reminded me of those times. I hadn't had a day where I felt helpless to keep my emotions steady for a long, long time. I think medicine is a tool God has supplied to help keep me emotionally healthy. So, I will start taking the new medicine tomorrow and we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, it helps me feel even better than I did on the old one.

Most importantly, I'll keep working on the way I think and react to problems and stress. I may need medicine because of the way my brain chemistry works, but right thinking is also necessary for living well in all situations. Choosing to focus on what is true, excellent, and good will work with the medicine to keep me in a healthy place. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 NIV)

What do you think about taking medicine for depression or anxiety? How can focusing on God help you to accept the need for medicine, but also work on having a happy, healthy way of looking at life?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Pushing Through

I've felt pretty blah the last couple of days.

This isn't me, but it very well could be...especially with the snack in hand.

I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's the adjustment back to "normal" life after a nice week of vacation. Maybe it's the reminder that we live in an unstable world full of crazy people that drive trucks through happy crowds of people minding their own business. Maybe it's from letting some of my negative thoughts stick around too long and wreak havoc in my brain.

At our Fresh Hope support group last night we talked about challenging negative thinking. It's a tricky thing for people who suffer with a mood disorder: Is the depression causing the negative thoughts or is the negative thinking adding to the depression?

As someone who has dealt with depression, it's important for me to recognize negative thinking when it occurs. I thought I was getting pretty good at that, but our discussion last night helped me to see that I've been letting some negative thoughts influence my mood.

Here are some ideas to challenge thinking negatively:

• Retrain your brain. Acknowledge the negative thought, but look at it logically and try to change how you are thinking.
• Talk to a trained therapist who can help you learn strategies for replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
• Write your negative thoughts in a journal. If you like doing this, it can help you to evaluate whether your thoughts are true or not and also notice triggers that get you thinking negatively.
• Relaxation. This can reduce "clutter" in your mind and short-circuit the urge to focus too much on your negative thoughts.
• Work on your physical well-being. Eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, and being around other people can help you feel better about yourself and give you the energy you need to challenge those negative thoughts.

The most important reminder I got last night was when we read the Fresh Hope tenets. We read these basic principles weekly and one sentence really hit me: I choose the support of people who will urge me to "push through."

That's what I want to leave you with this week. If you're feeling blah from depression or just the everyday ups and downs of life, keep pushing through. The negative thoughts, the tough situations, the challenges you think you can't succeed at...all of those will be behind you soon enough if you just push through. You may need help from a loved one or a professional, but it will be worth it. Please, don't give up.  

I didn't feel like writing tonight, but I'm so glad I "pushed through" and did it anyway. I hope you can push through, too, whatever your situation is.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Do you struggle with negative thinking? How can focusing on God help you to keep pushing through in spite of your negative thoughts and emotions?

*Many of the practical ideas in this week's blog came from Fresh Hope's Topic Card #405 - Challenging Negative Thinking

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Staying Away From the Edge

It has been a little over a year and a half since I went through a severe bout with depression. Depression and anxiety robbed me of all hope and sent me to the hospital. I'm so thankful for the help I got there.

Now I have joy, confidence, and hope most days, but the negatives often try to creep back in. It catches me off guard and discourages me so much. I'm learning to catch those thoughts and turn them around so that it doesn't turn into a depression that debilitates me, but it is difficult.

I'd like to focus on "staying away from the edge" in this week's post. Have you ever traveled somewhere and experienced that moment of vertigo when you are overlooking some beautiful vista? Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, a hike in the mountains with a deep ravine next to your footpath? You realize that one false step could send you plummeting to your death. If you are wise, you make sure you are staying away from the edge so that you are safe. 

I think we can also do that emotionally. Mental illness can mean the death of us if we keep going in spite of all of the danger signs and fall over the edge. I'd like to explore some of the ways we can stay away from the edge when it comes to our mental health. I'll share some of the ways I do that in next week's post, but I'd like to ask for your help. Would you be willing to share some of the ways you "stay away from the edge" as you live with a mental health diagnosis?

 Email me at robynmulder @ hotmail.com or send me a message on facebook.* I would love to hear from you and share some of your ideas with others who are also dealing with their mental health. Please share this post with others who may also be struggling.

Most of all, please get help if you are teetering on the edge and you don't feel like it's worth it to get back to safe footing. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you need help.

Let's all make sure we're staying away from the edge.

"...I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life,...." (Deuteronomy 30:19b-20a NIV)

Do you ever feel like you might go over the edge? How can focusing on God help you to stay away from the edge and enjoy a fulfilling life in spite of a mental health diagnosis?

*(You can try leaving your ideas in the comments, but I've had quite a few people say that they've had their comments disappear after they write them. So sorry about that!) 

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Hope

(I wrote the following article today for our church newsletter and decided it would work well for Focus Friday with just a few little changes)

Around this time last year, my life began to spin out of control. I was excited to start a new teaching job, but it didn’t take too long to see that something was wrong. I was doing a good job, but I got more and more nervous, focusing on the things that weren’t going well instead of the many things that were. I loved the students, but I worried too much about whether they liked me as a teacher and it crushed me when many of them didn’t like Spanish in spite of my best efforts.

I prayed, I read my Bible, I listened to encouraging songs on the way to school, but those negative thoughts swirled through my mind so much that I couldn’t keep ahead of them. I kept telling myself, “You just need to relax!” but that was easier said than done. I had trouble sleeping, I lost my appetite and felt sick to my stomach, I couldn’t concentrate to make lesson plans and that added to my stress. By the time I went to the doctor for my depression and anxiety, it had gone on too long. Seeing a counselor and taking medication was helpful, but those things take some time to work. One weekend I found that I had no hope left. I didn’t see how I could continue teaching and I didn’t know how I could stop. I was stuck in a very bad place and I wanted out. Thankfully, I talked to Gary about all of this and we decided to go to the hospital. Being admitted gave me time for the medicines to work and to get away from the stress. I felt so much love from our church family and other family members and friends as they all prayed for me and sent wonderful cards and notes. I decided to resign from the teaching position and when I got home I concentrated on getting well again.

When I went to the hospital I felt absolutely no hope. Of course, this added to my guilt because as a Christian I knew that I did have hope in Jesus. I just didn’t feel it. In the months since then, the hope has come back. Life is good again. It’s not perfect. It can’t ever be, but I’m learning to hold on to hope and keep choosing to stay well instead of sliding back down into depression. I am feeling so much better than I did last year.

One of the things that helped was talking with a friend who also deals with depression. She recommended a book by Brad Hoefs called “Fresh Hope: Living Well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis” and she talked about her desire to start a Fresh Hope support group in Hampton (they did start one - it meets twice a month on Monday nights). As we talked more, I became interested as well. Fresh Hope is a peer to peer Christian support group for those who have a mental health diagnosis and their loved ones.

We’re starting a group here on Thursday, September 10. It will meet weekly at The Corner on Main Street in Allison, Iowa from 7 to 8:30 p.m.There is no need to register ahead of time, you can just come if you have had a mental health diagnosis or if you know and love someone who does. You don’t even have to commit to coming weekly, just come check it out and see if it would be helpful for you.

You can find out more about Fresh Hope at freshhope.us and also find out if there is a group that meets near you. Please email me (robyn mulder at hot mail dot com) if you have any questions or just need to talk. I don’t want anyone to get stuck in that dark, hopeless place. There is hope!

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:19-23 NIV)

Have you lost your hope? How can focusing on God help you to get hope back and live a fulfilling, exciting (not perfect) life?

                                                                       

                                            

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Mental Health

May is Mental Health Month, so it seems fitting to focus on that this week. There is still such a stigma associated with mental illness. People hesitate to talk about their struggles with mental health issues for a variety of reasons. Maybe they don't want to seem weak. Perhaps they are embarrassed to admit that they see a counselor or need to take medicine for their symptoms. We need to remove the stigma so that people get the help they need and live happier, more fulfilling lives in spite of a mental health diagnosis.

This week our courthouse held a special event to let people find out about local providers of resources for mental health. Gary and I were privileged to be included and provided information about Fresh Hope - a Christian support group that will be starting in Allison in September. (There is also a group in Hampton that will be starting in June.) Fresh Hope is a peer led support group for those who have been diagnosed with a mental health issue and for their loved ones. Most weeks there is a large group meeting and then the group divides so that those with a diagnosis can discuss the topic and those who are loved ones can discuss the topic and support each other. What's great about Fresh Hope is that it works alongside the medical community and encourages people to keep seeing their doctor and/or counselor and to keep taking their meds so that they can get well and stay well. We're excited about getting this group started and pray that it will touch many lives.

As we've talked with people in Allison and other nearby communities, we've realized that most people have someone in their life that has had a mental health diagnosis. At the event on Thursday, Joan Becker was there to sell and sign copies of her new book "Sentenced to Life." Her book tells the story of her son, Mark Becker, who shot and killed Coach Ed Thomas in Parkersburg in 2009. Mark suffered from paranoid schizophrenia at the time and is now serving a life sentence in prison. Hopefully, Joan's book will help people recognize the signs of mental illness in a loved one and will prompt them to get the help they need before something tragic happens.

We don't like to talk about mental illness, but by being more open about it we can encourage others to get help and not just suffer in silence with their symptoms.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV)

Do you struggle with mental illness or know someone who does? How can focusing on God as you work with doctors and counselors help you to get to a healthier place emotionally?

A few resources:
www.freshhope.us - Fresh Hope
mentalhealthandthechurch.com - Rick Warren's
www.afsp.org - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
www.nami.org - National Alliance on Mental Illness
www.mentalhealth.gov
www.mentalhealthamerica.net
   

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Feeling Good

It's Friday, and I'm feeling good. I've been feeling good for at least a couple of weeks now...and I'm a little scared. I haven't felt this good for this long for a long, long time, so I'm a little nervous that the downward spiral will start and I'll feel bad again.

I realize how silly that sounds, but I guess that's something I have to fight against because of my history of depression. I have had lots of good times over the years. I've enjoyed life for short periods of time, but it seems like my thinking often sends my emotions back down to a pretty dark place if I'm not careful (and it has become clinical depression a few times).

I've really been trying not to analyze my happiness too much, because I know that if I overthink it I'll ruin it. I'm trying to just enjoy it and make sure I'm doing all of the things I need to do to keep it going.

I think I'm finally on the right dose of the right medicine, so that's helping. I'm learning to think in right ways so that I don't think myself into a negative place when things don't go my way or stressful situations happen. I'm trying to make sure I balance my obligations with activities that bring me happiness. I'm learning to trust God completely and rest in His love instead of worrying so much about what will happen in the future.

Sometimes I can think myself into feeling bad because I compare myself to other people's lives and I feel guilty for feeling good. How can I deserve to feel happy when so many people are going through pain, grief, poverty, or injustice? That is flawed thinking, my friends, and I'm learning to reject it. I can care about the struggles that others are going through, but their problems do not mean that I cannot be happy. Choosing happiness in the midst of my own difficulties can be one of the best ways to show people what it means to trust in my awesome God. I'll have enough days where it's hard to choose that happiness; when it comes easily I need to enjoy it.

Here's something that's added to my happiness lately:

That's me and my "Peepsicle." I got it for just 18 cents recently. (A yellow peep is missing because I ate it before I got the bright idea to take a picture of it.) I'm going to be happy about that Peep sucker, even though I've had several people tell me that peeps are "nasty." They're welcome to their opinion - just don't take away my peeps!

I got the rubber stamp for 50 cents. I would never use it on a card and risk shaming someone who was feeling sad, but I set it on the windowsill in my kitchen and it reminds me to practice thinking happy thoughts. I realize we can't always think our way to happiness; sometimes we're just too overwhelmed or tired or sick. Many times, however, we are able to turn our thoughts around when we choose to think on things that are "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable." (Philippians 4:8)

When you're feeling good, enjoy it! Thank the Lord for those happy feelings and pray that they last a long, long time.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" 

                                                                   (Philippians 4:4 NIV)

Are you feeling happy today? Enjoy it! How can focusing on God help you to feel more happiness and enjoy life more?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Peace

I really love the devotional book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. The readings seem to somehow speak right to where I'm at most days. That can only be a Holy Spirit thing, I think. God knows what we need to hear and provides those thoughts through devotions, the Bible, songs on the radio, or something we hear someone else say.

Lately the devotions have been mentioning "peace" and I've been pondering just how much peace I feel in my heart. I have to admit that it's been difficult over the last several months, or has it been years and years? I could blame my frequent lack of peace on the depression I've been experiencing or the occasional times of stress that happen in the life of a family in ministry, but those would be poor excuses.

From Sarah Young: "Your deepest, most constant need is for My Peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live, but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working to rid your heart of those weeds."

She goes on to say that Jesus works in various ways to rid our hearts of those weeds. One of the best ways is just sitting quietly with Him. As He shines the Light of His Presence into our hearts, Peace grows and the weeds shrivel up.

This challenges and encourages me. I don't have to feel bad for the times when I choose to worry, but I need to recognize that God does not want that for me. He wants me to feel His peace even in the midst of difficult times. 

Today is Good Friday. We remember Jesus' terribly painful death on the cross. It was such a bad day, and yet we call it "Good" because His death was the only way our sins could be wiped out and God could welcome us into heaven. Focus on that today. Focus on the fact that He suffered and died just for you. May that thought bring you His Peace, no matter what is going on in your life right now.

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." (Colossians 3:15 NIV)

Do you feel Christ's Peace in your heart, or is it being choked out by the weeds of worry, pride, selfishness, and unbelief? How can focusing on Jesus get rid of those weeds and allow you to feel His Peace instead?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Cause and Effect

Exciting things are happening here in Allison. Work started today on the building that will house "Allison Little Lambs Child Care." Lots of volunteers came to do some work gutting the inside of the building. We got quite a bit done in just a few hours.

Well, before going to help with some of this work, I decided to put on some old jeans and a sweatshirt. The sweatshirt worked just fine, but I ran into a little problem with the old jeans. One pair could never have buttoned and the pair that I did get on would button but I could barely breathe that way. Yikes! When did this happen? I had to put on a newer pair that were already stretched out to fit.

This got me thinking about cause and effect. I thought back to all of the candy corn I ate this fall, and the many marshmallow peeps I've consumed as Easter gets closer. To give myself a little credit, I haven't eaten nearly as many peeps as I've wanted to eat. Now add on the ice cream, nutty bars, oreos, and (lately) many handfuls of semi-sweet chocolate chips and I can see why my old jeans won't button. There was a cause (overeating) and there is an effect (clothes that don't fit). 

Unfortunately, the solution is simple, but not easy. Eat less, move more. It's time to spend a few more minutes on the treadmill and not reach for a snack whenever I get stressed or bored. There is no pill I can take that will magically melt away the pounds. It's just going to take some hard work to get back into those jeans and feel more comfortable in my clothing.

I wonder if almost everything in our lives can be explained by cause and effect.

Treating others badly can lead to strained relationships.
Cheating on your taxes can lead to an audit and jail time.
Procrastinating can lead to missed deadlines and lots of stress.
Ignoring a friend can lead to loneliness when they move on to someone who appreciates them more.
Yelling at your children can lead to resentment that can last for years.

I don't want to try to list every negative cause and effect. I'm sure you can think of many examples from your own life or someone else's. 

Luckily, it works in a positive way as well.

Showing love to your spouse or children can result in warm feelings returned to you.
Getting things done on time can lead to a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment.
Writing someone a letter can brighten someone's day and strengthen your relationship.
Learning to manage an illness well (physical or mental) can help you to thrive in life instead of just gloomily coping with symptoms.

I hope you can apply this to your own life and see where you may need to change some "causes" so that you will get different "effects." It's going to take some hard work, but it will be worth it in the end. As a friend of mine encouraged me this week: Don't give up, don't give up, don't give up!

"All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." (Proverbs 14:23 NIV)

Is there something you need to be doing differently so that you get a better "effect?" How can focusing on Jesus help you to not give up and learn to do things more effectively?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Pushing Through

I've had a couple of days of not feeling very good. I'm not sure if it's the new medication I'm trying, hormones, or a failure to think in right ways about the everyday challenges and tasks of life. I'm trying to show myself a little grace and not expect too much as I also try to turn my thinking around.

I'm reminded of an idea I read about in "Fresh Hope: Living Well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis" by Brad Hoefs. One of the principles in the book is the idea of choosing to be well. To "push through" even though you may not feel like doing something. You may not even feel like you want to get well because you feel so miserable or hopeless. Along with medicine and help from others, it's a choice we make to think and act in right ways so that we will get better.

And so I got out of bed at 8:20 even though I felt like staying there all morning. I dealt with an insurance issue even though I had been dreading it. I did the dishes today even though it would have been easier to leave them. I also made sure to do some things just for myself. I played piano and read and just sat and relaxed.

Yes, I got all weepy for a while and this got me feeling worried about the depression and what was going on, but I found out that I didn't have to stay that way all day long. It didn't have to get worse, at least not today. I could make some choices that led to better feelings.

Depression is difficult. It stinks. But it can get better. We just have to hang in there and keep making choices that help us get well.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13 NIV)

Do you have trouble pushing through some days? How can focusing on God help you to make good choices that will lead to more healthy ways of living? 

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Rebellion

Today we're focusing on rebellion. This is not a comfortable topic for me. I don't like to admit that I'm ever rebellious. I like others to think of me as a cooperative, helpful, compliant person. I seldom show my rebellious side to my friends and acquaintances, but my family sees it some days. I don't want to clean the bathroom so it goes for way too many days until it really needs it. I get ticked with my hubby about something minor and I give him the cold shoulder for a while until I get over it. I don't feel like doing our taxes so I wait until close to the deadline.

Last week I told you how I was switching to a new med for depression. Well, this week I have felt pretty good as I've been tapering off Lexapro. So good, in fact, that I called my doctor today and asked if I could try just staying on 10 mg of it for a while and see how it goes. The nurse said she would ask her and call me back. When she did, she firmly stated that my doctor wanted me to go on the Cymbalta as we had talked about at my last visit. "But...but..." I stammered. "Couldn't I just try it for a week and then I can start the Cymbalta if I need to?" The nurse repeated my doctor's instructions again and stressed the fact that we had planned this at my last appointment. My doctor noted that my depression was worse on 10 mg of Lexapro and that's why we were changing to a new med. I said okay and hung up, but I was very disappointed. My thoughts have been fighting all afternoon: 

You really need to obey your doctor's instructions and go on the new medicine.

Maybe I could just try it for a week and then talk to her again when I still feel good...then she'll understand that I don't need to switch.

Notice that the good advice is from outside (You...) while the rebellious thoughts just focus on myself (I...). I've heard lots of stories about people who go off their medicines because they feel good and then they get into a worse mess because the depression or other mental health problem comes back worse than ever. In my heart, I know I'm silly to think that I know better than an experienced psychiatrist (they must get so tired of hearing their patients question their instructions!). So, I will obey and go on the new medicine and I'll keep talking to my doctor until we figure out what works best for me.

During devotions yesterday (February 26) I read from "Jesus Calling" and was struck by the reminder that all forms of worry are an act of rebellion: doubting Jesus' promises to care for us. Whenever we worry about something we need to repent and return to Jesus. I've written about this before, but I don't think I've learned this lesson yet. It seems so natural to worry about all sorts of things. It can't be a sin, can it? 

The truth is, God tells us not to worry and promises His peace when we pray and turn our worries over to Him as we thank Him. Thank Him for depression? Thank Him for a disobeying child? Thank Him for a chronic illness? Thank Him for an uncertain future? Thank Him for financial problems? Yes, as hard as it may be, we can choose to thank God for all of those things and anything else we're tempted to worry about. Let's focus on obeying when we feel that spirit of rebellion rising up in us.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." (Psalm 32:8 NIV)

Do you rebel against good advice sometimes? Would you rather do exactly what you want to do? How can focusing on God and thanking Him instead of worrying bring us more peace?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Change

I went to my doctor today. We talked about how I've been feeling lately. She asked me lots of questions and I tried to answer honestly. Some of them had me a little stumped. "Did you feel this way before the depression, or just after you started taking the medication?" Um, I'm not sure. I answered that way to several questions and felt even more stupid when she asked what I normally do all day and I could hardly answer. I mean, I do stuff, right? But I sat there for several long seconds before I listed a few things off. Our conclusion was that I don't have much energy most of the time and I usually lack focus. (That sure sounds much better than saying I'm lazy and need to work harder.) All I know is I'm not feeling as good as I'd like to feel yet. There are some up days, but there are also some down days where the despair threatens again.

She decided to change my medication to a different antidepressant and see if it works better for me. That means I'll taper off the generic Lexipro I'm on now and then begin taking a low dose of generic Cymbalta in about eight days. I thought that was a good idea in the office, but when I got home I began to worry (especially after the pharmacy called and the recording said it was going to cost $108!). 

I talked with Gary and started to worry aloud in front of him. Does it cost too much? Should I stay on Lexipro? What if the new medicine doesn't work? Do you think she'll want me to stay on it indefinitely? Should I try to get off it after a year or so? He calmed me down and reminded me to take it a day at a time instead of looking so far ahead. "Just see if the new medicine works," he encouraged. "If it helps you feel better it's worth the money. If you're on it for a year or two and want to try going off it, you can decide then. Don't worry about that now." 

He's right (He usually is). I guess I get scared of change way too often. The way things have always been are comfortable, even if they're not working the way I'd like. As I write tonight, I wonder if many of you can relate to that, even if you aren't dealing with depression.

Maybe you're not happy with the way your marriage is going, but you're afraid that making changes in the way you relate will be hard work and it might lead to even more struggles before you get to a better place.

Maybe your relationship with your child is changing as they grow up and you're anxious about the mistakes you've made or the mistakes they may make as they go out on their own.

Maybe you feel like it's time for a job change but that thought scares you. What you're doing now doesn't feel good, but you've done it for a long time and you're good at it. Making a change may put you in new situations that you might succeed at, but you also could fail. 

Maybe your relationship with God feels shallow and comfortable. You go to church, but you don't really think about Him much during the rest of the week. Making a change in this area could lead to uncomfortable feelings and lifestyle changes that may be really difficult. 

Change can be difficult, but change can lead to wonderful new experiences, emotional growth, and spiritual maturing. We have to push aside the "What ifs" and be willing to move ahead in exciting, scary directions.

I will move ahead, hoping that this new med will work better and get me to a happier place as I continue to work on how I'm thinking about life and the situations I'm in. I know that God has great things in store for me, I just need to trust Him and work with my doctor to get there.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Are you afraid of change? What things might need to change in your life so that you can experience the plans God has for you?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Hitting the Right Notes

I played the keyboard in church last Sunday. I always get a little nervous when I do that. I have to practice quite a bit before I feel really comfortable with all of the songs.

We were gone all day Saturday (Happy 90th Birthday to Gary's mom!) and came home through lots of snow and bad roads. We made it and I ran through the songs one more time on Saturday evening.

I was glad for the small crowd on Sunday morning because of the weather. I figured it might go better with fewer people to hear me play. Things went quite well until after the offering. I played a hymn during that time and then launched into the introduction to the Doxology. That's the cue in our church for everyone to stand up and get ready to sing. 

Suddenly - disaster! I was playing but something was terribly wrong. It didn't sound anything at all like what I was supposed to be playing. I'm sure the congregation wondered if we were going to sing a different song that morning. Well, after too many measures I finally realized that the previous song had about five flats and the Doxology has one sharp. I had continued playing most of the flats and that just didn't work. When I got to the song I finally had my mind wrapped around "one sharp" and everyone seemed to catch up to the Doxology after the first couple of notes.

It was really no big deal, but it was noticeable. I laughed and asked a couple of people if they liked my intro to the Doxology during fellowship time and they laughed along with me and one of them said she had seen me make a face so they knew that I had figured out that something was wrong. 

That little goof up had me thinking all week long. Now, I tend to think way too much about lots of things and that can be bad for me, but I think this time it was productive thinking. 

I thought about how I went through that time of deep depression some months ago and how negative I was thinking. It was like I was going through life with lots of flats, focusing on the negative and getting anxious about life's pressures and demands. 

I got the help I needed and started to feel hope again, but this time of transition doesn't always "sound" the best. I'm trying to look forward with hope and live a joyful life, but there are days when life is a chaotic, ugly sounding mess because I'm still "playing the flats" when I should be focused on the "sharps."

What we have to remember as we push through and overcome depression is that how we think will make a big difference in getting better. Focusing on the "flats" (I can't do this. Life is too hard. I'll never be happy again.) just keeps us stuck in depression and despair. Choosing to focus on the "sharps" (This is hard, but God will help me do it. Life is hard, but it's worth it. I feel sad sometimes, but I will feel joy again.) will help us feel hope and fulfillment. 

My intro was a mess. (You don't believe me? You can go take a listen at http://youtu.be/wsEDTZM7rLs  - the whole service is worth listening to, but you can also just skip to 46:54 and have a good laugh) The thing is, once I figured out that I was playing flats instead of sharps I changed how I was playing. I didn't play the whole Doxology with flats just because that's how I started out. No, I changed to the right notes and it sounded so much better. I'm going to try to keep that in mind in life, too. I don't have to keep repeating negative thoughts just because I've done it for so long. I'm going to try thinking the right way so that my life is beautiful and is full of joy and hope.

"Finally, brothers [and sisters], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Do you spend more time thinking about negative things or positive things? Can you see how focusing on things that are excellent and praiseworthy could help you live a happier, more hopeful life?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Runaway Thoughts

For the past several month I've been reading from the devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I love the way she writes from Jesus' perspective and reminds us about getting our focus on Him so that we can enjoy peace in His presence. Lately the devotions have been mentioning how important it is to take our thoughts captive and worship only God. Anything else we focus on becomes an idol, even our anxious thoughts.

This resonated strongly with me because I continue to struggle with how I think. I'm sick of myself, quite frankly. My depression is getting better thanks to counseling and medication. I find myself humming around the house quite often, so you would think that means I'm happy, wouldn't you?


Well, apparently some part of me has not gotten that message because I still find myself often thinking in very negative ways. I think ahead to how things could go in the future and I feel fear. I think back to how things have gone in the past and I feel guilt and regret. I think about how things are going each moment of the day and I usually feel either pride or frustration (and then guilt for feeling either of those things). So much focus on those kinds of thoughts leads me right back to feeling hopeless and depressed.

On the other hand, when my focus is on God I really do feel more hope, joy, and peace. I've had a word picture in my head today that seems to relate to this idea. I'm picturing a large herd of wild horses, running together through a beautiful landscape. They are strong, sleek, and fearless. They move almost as one as their pounding hooves leave the miles behind. Then my mind imagined a dumb old mule running into the midst of all of these powerful animals. He lets out a bellowing "Hee haw" and stands stubbornly in the midst of the herd, kicking his hind legs out behind him, refusing to run where the herd is going.

I think this image just may help me to be a little more deliberate about how I'm thinking. I think my thoughts focused on God are more like the wild horses. There is power there, there is beauty, there is purpose. There is also a bit of fear because you never know exactly where God will take you, but you know the ride will be exciting. 

Random negative thoughts are like that dumb mule that gets in there and messes everything up. Those thoughts ruin our momentum, slow us down, keep us stuck, and often make us look like a fool. Maybe it will help if I try to recognize those "mule thoughts" and focus more on the thoughts that give me the beautiful power of those wild stallions.

I don't know if it will help, but I'm going to give it a try. 

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

Do you ever have runaway thoughts? How can keeping your focus on God help you to feel more hope, peace, and joy?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Hope

By now, you probably realize that this blog comes from whatever I'm dealing with each week. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Yesterday I was dealing with some ugly stuff again. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning and I kind of moped through my day. Several times I had the thought "This is hopeless." I don't feel as bad as I did, but I don't feel as good as I'd like, either. I looked around at all that I could and should be doing and had trouble deciding just what to do. So I did a whole lot of nothing.

That's not a good way to spend the day, my friends. A little before supper I decided to do my devotions from "Jesus Calling." I read the devotional for the day and looked up the verses and was amazed to once again have God meet me right where I'm at and remind me of things I'd forgotten.

Here's what I read:

I immediately felt so much better. Of course things are not hopeless because I have God. A God of hope! As a Christian I need to cling desperately to that hope and let it fill me with joy and peace.

Now, that being said, there are times when we can't find hope. Sometimes depression causes chemical changes in our brains and it's almost impossible to find any hope. That's when we need to reach out for help. Medications and good counseling can get us back to a more stable emotional condition where we can find hope again and that hope will get us back to a place where we can feel joy and peace instead of sadness, anxiety, and despair.

If we're just having a bad day we can remind ourselves of the hope we have in God. Hope makes all the difference when we're going through a hard time. We don't muster it up on our own. We need to let the power of the Holy Spirit give us that hope so that it can overflow and encourage everyone around us.

Do you ever lose hope? How can focusing on hope help us to get through difficult times?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on "Good Enough"

This week I went to see my counselor and toward the end of our time together she said something like this: "You know, I think you're going to be a lot happier when you finally get to the point where you believe you're good enough." That thought has stuck with me in the days since then. That is one of my biggest problems. I can't quite believe that I'm really good enough. I always think I should be better; a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better Christian. I'm never just "good enough."

Please don't misunderstand me. This blog post is not a ploy to get everyone to reassure me that I'm good enough. I realize that most people think I'm more than good enough. They compliment me often and I say thank you, but deep down inside I think I usually disagree with them. I have no problem accepting people as they are, but I don't extend that same grace to myself. So this blog post is for everyone who may also struggle with the disappointment of not being "good enough."

It's good to have goals for ourselves and try to improve if we lack certain skills or have character flaws, but we can't expect perfection. This is a lesson that I keep learning over and over again. Sometimes I get it and I go along happily, accepting myself as I am, but more often I focus on where I fall short and I get upset because I'm not "good enough."

I looked in my concordance and found two full pages with verses containing the word "love" or "loved." As I looked them over I could feel myself starting to really appreciate God's love for me, and I hadn't even looked up any verses yet. When I did look some up, I found some great ones:

Galatians 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

John 15:9 - As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

How do we remain in His love? Psalm 48:9b says, "we meditate on your unfailing love." We think about it often and let God's love wash over us until we really believe that we are loved and we are good enough.

I have heard writer and speaker Susie Larson recommend something that may help us. She says that God prompted her to change "God, I love you so much" to "God, you love me so much." If we keep repeating that to ourselves it just might help us to really believe that we are good enough.

Many of the verses in my concordance said "His love endures forever" and talked about "His unfailing love." That's what all of us want, don't we? God loves us right where we're at, so we really can believe that we are good enough. I'll keep working on that, and I hope you do, too.

Do you have trouble believing that you're "good enough?" Can you meditate on God's love for you and keep doing it until you really believe it?

Focus Friday:Let's Focus on Wisdom

It's very late as I write this week - in fact, it's almost another "Sorry Saturday." Truth is, I almost forgot about Focus Friday this week. I had a busy day getting ready for our youth group lock in tonight at The Corner (Allison's youth center). It started at 6:30 and will end tomorrow morning at 6:30 when all of those bleary eyed kids head for home. I spent the first part of the evening there, but I decided to head home at about 10:30 and get some sleep in a little while. 

My gut told me that this wasn't the year to stay up all night. So, even though a part of me wants to be up there with the kids and other sponsors, I think I'm doing a wise thing. I think if I stayed up all night it might be hard to get through the rest of the weekend with a good attitude. You see, I'm still getting through the depression that was so bad a couple of months ago. I feel much better, but I still feel pretty down some days. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a thinking problem or if the doctor has to do some more tweaking with the medicines I'm on.

Doing the wise thing isn't always easy. Even though I know it's probably best for me, I struggle with what other people think. Will the other sponsors think I'm just trying to get out of my responsibilities? (I'm sure they won't - they're very understanding) Will Gary miss my help throughout the night? (He will - but he can rely on the other sponsors this time) Will the kids think I don't care about them? (I sure hope not!)

I'm going to push all of those worries aside, get a little sleep, and head back up to The Corner bright and early tomorrow morning with breakfast for the group. Hopefully they all make it through the night and have lots of fun.

I think focusing on wisdom is good for all of us. Wisdom and discernment help us to make good choices when we are faced with decisions. The wise choice may not always be easy, but it will usually bring us peace and blessings in the end. 

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better." (Ephesians 1:17 NIV)

Do you make wise choices? How can focusing on God give us the courage to make wise choices when we're worried about what other people may think?