Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Medicine

This may be a tough post to write. I'm praying as I begin that it won't be a hard one to read. Stay with me and let me know what you think in the comments. 

I'm going to start a new antidepressant tomorrow morning. The old one worked quite well. It got me to a stable place after I was very sick with clinical depression about two years ago. It had a couple of minor side effects, so I talked with my doctor and decided to try a new medication and see if that works better.

I had to taper off the old medicine. When I went to a half dose, I felt quite good. I continued feeling great for the first few days after I stopped taking it completely. 

As usual, my idealistic tendencies started to kick in. 

Maybe I'll keep feeling great and I can get off medication.
Maybe I'm strong enough to keep depression away for good.
Maybe I'm not depressed anymore.

Then Thursday happened.

I had some frustrations with my laptop and when I tried to talk to Gary about it I dissolved in tears. At lunch time I was on the verge of crying for most of the meal. Little things upset me all day and I felt anger trying to take over. (I didn't let it.) Thank goodness we had Fresh Hope that night. Even though I cried more than usual, it was great to talk to friends who understood those feelings and could urge me to hang in there.

Earlier in the day, Gary came home for lunch and I went to him for a hug as I tearfully admitted "I don't want to need medication."

And that's really the sum of it. I'm proud. I want to be strong enough to do life without help. I don't want to have to take something.

The truth is, depression runs in my family. I've experienced many seasons of depression over the years. I always came out of it eventually, but not without lots of tears, frustration, and angst.

Thursday reminded me of those times. I hadn't had a day where I felt helpless to keep my emotions steady for a long, long time. I think medicine is a tool God has supplied to help keep me emotionally healthy. So, I will start taking the new medicine tomorrow and we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, it helps me feel even better than I did on the old one.

Most importantly, I'll keep working on the way I think and react to problems and stress. I may need medicine because of the way my brain chemistry works, but right thinking is also necessary for living well in all situations. Choosing to focus on what is true, excellent, and good will work with the medicine to keep me in a healthy place. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 NIV)

What do you think about taking medicine for depression or anxiety? How can focusing on God help you to accept the need for medicine, but also work on having a happy, healthy way of looking at life?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Change

I went to my doctor today. We talked about how I've been feeling lately. She asked me lots of questions and I tried to answer honestly. Some of them had me a little stumped. "Did you feel this way before the depression, or just after you started taking the medication?" Um, I'm not sure. I answered that way to several questions and felt even more stupid when she asked what I normally do all day and I could hardly answer. I mean, I do stuff, right? But I sat there for several long seconds before I listed a few things off. Our conclusion was that I don't have much energy most of the time and I usually lack focus. (That sure sounds much better than saying I'm lazy and need to work harder.) All I know is I'm not feeling as good as I'd like to feel yet. There are some up days, but there are also some down days where the despair threatens again.

She decided to change my medication to a different antidepressant and see if it works better for me. That means I'll taper off the generic Lexipro I'm on now and then begin taking a low dose of generic Cymbalta in about eight days. I thought that was a good idea in the office, but when I got home I began to worry (especially after the pharmacy called and the recording said it was going to cost $108!). 

I talked with Gary and started to worry aloud in front of him. Does it cost too much? Should I stay on Lexipro? What if the new medicine doesn't work? Do you think she'll want me to stay on it indefinitely? Should I try to get off it after a year or so? He calmed me down and reminded me to take it a day at a time instead of looking so far ahead. "Just see if the new medicine works," he encouraged. "If it helps you feel better it's worth the money. If you're on it for a year or two and want to try going off it, you can decide then. Don't worry about that now." 

He's right (He usually is). I guess I get scared of change way too often. The way things have always been are comfortable, even if they're not working the way I'd like. As I write tonight, I wonder if many of you can relate to that, even if you aren't dealing with depression.

Maybe you're not happy with the way your marriage is going, but you're afraid that making changes in the way you relate will be hard work and it might lead to even more struggles before you get to a better place.

Maybe your relationship with your child is changing as they grow up and you're anxious about the mistakes you've made or the mistakes they may make as they go out on their own.

Maybe you feel like it's time for a job change but that thought scares you. What you're doing now doesn't feel good, but you've done it for a long time and you're good at it. Making a change may put you in new situations that you might succeed at, but you also could fail. 

Maybe your relationship with God feels shallow and comfortable. You go to church, but you don't really think about Him much during the rest of the week. Making a change in this area could lead to uncomfortable feelings and lifestyle changes that may be really difficult. 

Change can be difficult, but change can lead to wonderful new experiences, emotional growth, and spiritual maturing. We have to push aside the "What ifs" and be willing to move ahead in exciting, scary directions.

I will move ahead, hoping that this new med will work better and get me to a happier place as I continue to work on how I'm thinking about life and the situations I'm in. I know that God has great things in store for me, I just need to trust Him and work with my doctor to get there.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Are you afraid of change? What things might need to change in your life so that you can experience the plans God has for you?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Tweaking Life

Two people asked me how I was doing today and I found myself explaining that I was feeling quite good, but my doctor was tweaking my medications a bit to see if she can get me feeling even better. My main antidepressant is a generic Lexipro and she just added a generic Wellbutrin to see if it helps my energy level and concentration. We'll see how it goes in the next couple of weeks. At least I'm feeling quite good most of the time. I'm still seeing a counselor to work on some of the ways I think that get me into trouble emotionally. I believe that is working, too. I catch myself and try to turn around negative thought patterns. I appreciate my psychiatrist and counselor so much as I'm getting better. They both do so much to help me along in the right direction.

So, that's where my focus is today as I write. I'm thinking about how the doctor is tweaking my medication and that makes me think about how we need to tweak our life sometimes.

When we're going through really tough times in life, we need to make some major adjustments to get back on track and feel good again. Those times are hard but we can learn so much as we let God work through people and circumstances. 

At other times maybe things are going along pretty well and we just need some minor adjustments so that life can go even better. We need to let the Holy Spirit "tweak" our life so that we can live the best life possible. Focusing on our relationship with God can help us figure out what areas of our life need tweaking.

I don't think I even want to give too many examples because each of us is so different and we don't all have to live exactly the same. Talking to God will make it clear if there's some area of life that needs tweaking.

For me, the areas of my life that need tweaking the most are probably things like prayer, Bible reading, TV watching, candy corn eating (and other snacks), and negative thought patterns. I'm sure there are other things, but those are some examples. I'll try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit pointing out other areas that need tweaking in the days ahead. I hope you will let God "tweak" your life as well.

He says:

Do you see any areas of your life that might need tweaking? How can getting your focus on God help you to make those minor adjustments that will make life go even better?