Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Loving Ourselves

Loving ourselves.

As a Christian, I've been taught to love God, love others, and then love myself. (JOY = Jesus, Others, and You, right?)

I agree with that for the most part, especially loving God first. 

When it comes to loving others and loving ourselves, I think it can get a little confusing.

Some people have no problem at all loving themselves. They live selfish lives and think little of the people around them.

Some people love others in healthy ways and have a right attitude about themselves.

Other people can turn that around and be hyper-aware of others, constantly trying to serve and please the people around them. They live selfless lives and think very little of themselves.

Oh, I don't mean they don't think about themselves. If they're like me, they're probably thinking way too much about themselves.

What did she think about what I said in that meeting?

I should probably stay late today and finish the cleaning that he was supposed to do. 

Why doesn't anyone want to talk to me?

I wonder what I could do to help Harry and Sally get along better?

The thoughts can get worse than that:

I can't do anything right.

They must think I'm so stupid.

I'm so __________. (lazy, dumb, clumsy, fat, ugly, etc.)

People would be better off without me.

When our thought patterns echo with sentiments like these, we get into some very unhealthy places emotionally. We might do many things to help and serve other people, but too often it's coming from a place of desperate need, not a place of real love.

We need to learn to love ourselves as God loves us so that we can serve and love others from a healthy heart.

I've heard Susie Larson talk about how she went through a time when she felt like God was telling her to say, "God, you love me so much" whenever she started to say, "God, I love you so much."

It felt awkward at first, but as she kept repeating that phrase, she began to believe it.

I'm getting better, but I struggle with how I see myself. In fact, I really used to see myself kind of like this whenever I saw myself in a photograph: 

Everyone else looked fine, but I would see myself as this ugly stick figure person, usually hiding way in the back of a group.

Like I said, I'm getting better. I think I've trained myself to say, "Hey, I'm kind of cute" when I look at a picture of myself, instead of focusing on what I perceive as faults.

The Bible reminds us over and over again of how much God loves us. We need to believe that and accept ourselves as we are right now. God will keep changing and growing us in the years ahead, but there is no reason for us to punish, criticize, and hate ourselves right now for our mistakes and shortcomings.

We all add something beautiful to the pictures of life. Let's make sure we're loving ourselves so we can really love God and others.

Here I am, surrounded by my beautiful family

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!..." (1 John 3:1 NIV)

Do you have any trouble loving yourself? How can focusing on God help you to love yourself and love others?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on "Good Enough"

This week I went to see my counselor and toward the end of our time together she said something like this: "You know, I think you're going to be a lot happier when you finally get to the point where you believe you're good enough." That thought has stuck with me in the days since then. That is one of my biggest problems. I can't quite believe that I'm really good enough. I always think I should be better; a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better Christian. I'm never just "good enough."

Please don't misunderstand me. This blog post is not a ploy to get everyone to reassure me that I'm good enough. I realize that most people think I'm more than good enough. They compliment me often and I say thank you, but deep down inside I think I usually disagree with them. I have no problem accepting people as they are, but I don't extend that same grace to myself. So this blog post is for everyone who may also struggle with the disappointment of not being "good enough."

It's good to have goals for ourselves and try to improve if we lack certain skills or have character flaws, but we can't expect perfection. This is a lesson that I keep learning over and over again. Sometimes I get it and I go along happily, accepting myself as I am, but more often I focus on where I fall short and I get upset because I'm not "good enough."

I looked in my concordance and found two full pages with verses containing the word "love" or "loved." As I looked them over I could feel myself starting to really appreciate God's love for me, and I hadn't even looked up any verses yet. When I did look some up, I found some great ones:

Galatians 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

John 15:9 - As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

How do we remain in His love? Psalm 48:9b says, "we meditate on your unfailing love." We think about it often and let God's love wash over us until we really believe that we are loved and we are good enough.

I have heard writer and speaker Susie Larson recommend something that may help us. She says that God prompted her to change "God, I love you so much" to "God, you love me so much." If we keep repeating that to ourselves it just might help us to really believe that we are good enough.

Many of the verses in my concordance said "His love endures forever" and talked about "His unfailing love." That's what all of us want, don't we? God loves us right where we're at, so we really can believe that we are good enough. I'll keep working on that, and I hope you do, too.

Do you have trouble believing that you're "good enough?" Can you meditate on God's love for you and keep doing it until you really believe it?