Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Making Misteaks

Did I ever tell you I'm a perfectionist?

I catch the pickiest of typos as I'm reading. I notice little details in life that most other people would overlook. I am thinking constantly, analyzing people's words and actions to figure out how I should be feeling, what I should say, and what I should do.

It's exhausting.

The worst part about being a perfectionist is facing the fact that I make mistakes. It seems like those happen more and more often.

In my younger years, my mistakes would throw me for a loop because they surprised me so much. I remember being incredulous one day because I realized that I didn't know how to spell "dilemma" (in my mind it was "dilemna") and I wondered what else I was wrong about.

When I made a mistake I beat myself up for it until I felt I could move on.

Fast forward to 51-year-old me. 

I'm staying with our daughter Erin for the weekend in Lincoln, Nebraska. Tonight I took her dog Charlie for a walk while Erin was out. When we got back to the apartment complex, I got out Erin's key and put it in the outside door. That's funny, it worked before but now it won't turn.

A lady came up the sidewalk as I was struggling with the key. I stepped aside and said something about it being my daughter's and that it wasn't working. "You have to turn it to the right," she offered. She opened the door with her key and let Charlie and I go in before her. We headed up the stairs to 312, but when we reached that floor and got into the hallway I was surprised to see a wreath on Erin's door. A wreath? Was that there before? The number said 312, but suddenly the truth dawned on me. 

The lady from before was a couple of doors down, getting into her apartment. 

"I think I'm in the wrong building!" I announced. 

"That's probably why your key didn't work," she said.

Charlie and I made an embarrassed beeline down the stairs and out the door. We made it to Erin's building and went up the two flights of stairs to her wreathless apartment door.

I felt silly, but there was none of the old despair and shame I would have felt years ago. 

It was dark and these buildings all look pretty much the same, especially after you get inside. It was an easy mistake to make.

We have to face the fact that we are going to make mistakes. Beating ourselves up about them isn't going to do anyone any good. Learning something so we don't make the same mistake next time is more helpful.

Maybe we can even get to the point where we can laugh at ourselves. 

I'm sure that lady in the next building over had a little chuckle tonight.

At least Charlie and I finally made it home!

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:1-2 NIV)

Do your mistakes bother you too much, or can you laugh at most of them? How can focusing on God help you to live more freely and not feel condemnation when you make a mistake?

Sorry Saturday: Let's Focus on Letting Things Go

We have been in Tennessee this week. Before we left I made arrangements to change our monthly Writers Group meeting. I put it in the paper that we'd be meeting a week later than normal. I saw a couple of group members during the week and checked with them to see if it would work. I made a mental note to call Betty because she had offered to bring refreshments on May 2.

I told myself several times that I needed to call her so she didn't waste time making something for our meeting.

You can probably guess what happened. I was visiting with my parents on Tuesday night and got a phone call at about 8 p.m. I jumped up and answered it to hear Betty asking if we had Writers Group that night.

My heart sank as I explained that we were postponing until next week and I had forgotten to contact her. I apologized all over myself and asked her to forgive me. I'm sure I rambled on for way too long about how sorry I was. She reminded me that she wouldn't be able to come next week because of another commitment she had. We hung up and I kicked myself all the way back to the couch, feeling terrible.

I forgot about it until the next day when I was taking a walk. All of a sudden I remembered my mistake and a wave of regret washed over me. I had to make a conscious decision to let it go.

I didn't deliberately neglect to call my friend. I said I was sorry. I determined to write a big note in the future so I don't forget to make important phone calls. 

It would do no one any good to keep beating myself up over my mistake. I'm sure Betty wasn't too happy with me on Tuesday evening, but if I know her, she got over it quickly and moved on.

I guess I am improving in this area. In the past I might have cried and let my mistake ruin way too many hours of my life. Now I can look at it more objectively and move on. 

We have to learn to do this so that we can live happy, fulfilling lives. 

This was a minor error that inconvenienced someone. What about more serious mistakes that cost us or someone else lots of money? What happens when a mistake we make leads to someone's injury or death? Are we supposed to hang onto those situations and never forgive ourselves and move on? Will that do us any good?

No. It doesn't do anyone any good. Of course, we apologize. We make restitution if possible and we learn from our mistakes so that we don't commit the same errors in the future. 

After all of that, we let it go. We accept God's forgiveness, forgive ourselves, and move forward in faith.

We're human, so we're going to have lots of opportunities to practice the skill of letting things go.

"...one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal...." (Philippians 3:13b-14a NIV)

Do you hold onto regrets? How can focusing on God help you to let things go and move forward with more joy and faith?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Fools

This morning Gary could have choked on a Gobstopper when he went to take a couple of Ibuprofen from the container on top of the fridge. Turns out the medicine was in the candy jar close by. I chuckled as he went off to watch the morning news and then I went to the sink to get some water for my oatmeal. Water shot onto my shirt and halfway across the kitchen before I realized what was happening and shut the faucet off. What? Oh, the handle on the sprayer was taped down. That old trick. I went to the den and showed Gary my wet shirt so he knew that our child had gotten me too. 

I was on high alert the rest of the morning, but no other surprises were waiting. I guess Erin decided to go easy on us. We aren't a family that pranks regularly, but it was kind of fun today.

It got me thinking about fools on this April Fools' Day. Gary and I felt foolish because we were tricked by someone who set us up on this specific day, but how sad is it when someone is a fool every day. 

I'm not talking about you, of course, dear reader. I'm sure you are wise beyond your years, but we all know people who are just...fools. They don't think before they speak. They act first and apologize (maybe) later if they make a mistake. They eat all of their food and spend all of their money and don't plan ahead for the future. 

The Bible has lots to say about fools. Proverbs is full of verses that talk about fools and how they act. They're hotheaded and reckless. They despise wisdom and discipline. They trust in themselves instead of trusting in God. They don't learn from their mistakes. "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." (Prov. 26:11) Sorry for the gross word picture, but maybe thinking about that disgusting image will keep us away from foolishness.

I'm not joking when I urge you to do the exact opposite of everything I just said about fools. Be patient and careful. Seek wisdom and practice discipline. Trust completely in God. Learn from your mistakes. And keep your eyes open on April Fools' Day.

"The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice." (Proverbs 12:15 NIV)

Did anyone pull a prank on you today? Laugh it off and determine not to be a fool. How can focusing on God help you to be wise and stay away from foolishness?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on...(what was that again?...oh yeah)...Forgetting

I almost forgot to post today. Seriously, I did. I mean, you probably think I almost forget every week since I post so late at night, but usually I'm thinking about Focus Friday most of the day and just put off writing it. Today I didn't remember it was Friday until about 4 p.m. Forgetting seems like a good subject to focus on this week. I forgot several other things today. 

I took the boys to get their physicals today and I couldn't remember if Blake had chicken pox as a kid. I vaguely remembered seeing a picture of him with spots, but I didn't remember a doctor's visit or lots of calamine lotion. I felt a little bit like a failure as a mom. Shouldn't I remember things like that?

This afternoon I was piddling around with some paperwork and the phone rang at 2:45. "Robyn, I have you down for a color at 2:30, did I mess up?" "No, I did!" I yelped and I assured my hair dresser that I would be right there. Luckily she only lives a few blocks away. I felt a little bit like a failure because I kept her waiting and wasn't responsible.

After supper I decided to read the end of "After the Leaves Fall" by Nicole Baart. It was great and I started to set the book down when I noticed a little lump. I opened the book and saw one Black Hills gold earring and I suddenly remembered that I had taken my earrings out at the salon and had stuck them in my book. Don't ask - I have no idea why I thought that would be a good place to put them. Anyway, I read my book for a few minutes while I was there so I checked my purse and then called Susan to see if was there. Yes, it was, so I ran back over to pick it up. I felt a little bit like a failure for losing something special to me in such a weird way.

I'm sure there were other goofs today, I just don't remember them. 

I really felt silly when all of these things happened, but as it nears midnight I'm realizing something very interesting. I forgot and goofed up, but life went on. The nurse didn't really care if Blake had chicken pox as a kid, he still needed a booster shot. My hairdresser wasn't upset with me being a little late, and she just laughed and said she was glad she didn't step on my earring before she found it. I moved on from each of these goofs pretty well. I felt "a little bit like a failure" but I didn't dwell on any of those situations.

The thing is, in the not so distant past these mistakes would have really upset me. I would have felt like a huge failure and probably would have cried a little about each of them, even if it was just by myself. Mistakes used to mean I was a terrible person and I wondered if I could ever do anything right. In recent years I've been learning to let mistakes go. (Maybe that's because I'm getting so much practice!) 

I'm learning to separate my worth from what I do. I've been reminded of that as I study "The Search For Significance" with a group of women on Mondays. God loves me completely and unconditionally. His love isn't dependent on how I act and it isn't taken away for the mistakes I make. It is always there. Now that's something I won't ever forget.

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13b-14 NIV)

Do you ever forget things? How can focusing on God help you to separate yourself from your mistakes so that you can remember that He loves you completely?

Focus Friday: Let's Not Forget to Focus

I've had a bit of a rough week. What it all boils down to is a supreme lack of focus. You would think after all these weeks of talking about focus that I'd have it down pat by now, but apparently I still have more to learn and practice.

At the end of last week we had to scramble because the fee was due for our daughter Allison's study trip to Greece. Getting it in the mail and hoping it would get there quickly caused lots of stress - for Allison and for me. If I had been focused I would have sent it in several weeks ago when Allison gave me the paper copy of the bill.

On Tuesday afternoon I was puttering around the kitchen at about 3:20 and said out loud, "Oh, it's time to get ready for my physical therapy appointment. Our son Blake piped up, "Wasn't that at 2:20?" Apparently he looks at the calendar more than I do. I had gone through the whole day thinking my appointment was at 4:20. I called the office and apologized, nearly in tears, and they kindly rescheduled. I'm sure it inconvenienced them and caused a ton of stress for me. If I had been focused I would have looked at the calendar in the morning and realized the correct time.

Later that evening we sat down for supper and Gary asked innocently, "Didn't you say you were going to make mashed potatoes with this?" Yes, yes I did...but no, no I didn't. It wasn't a huge deal but I gave myself a few emotional lashings before I let it go. If I had been more focused we would have enjoyed some tasty spuds with our supper.

Little things and big things. When we aren't focused we make mistakes and disappoint ourselves and others. Thank goodness for grace. None of us would survive if we were required to be perfect all of the time. There are going to be errors in our human lives. We have to make peace with that and move on.

Experiencing these failings can be a reminder to us about how important it is to really focus. Focus on the details we need to keep straight in our lives, of course, but also focus on the most important things. We need to focus on our relationship with God and make sure we're not forgetting to read His word, talk to Him often, and live for Him so that others can see it. Missing a doctor's appointment once in a while is sad, but missing a divine appointment with our Lord would be tragic.

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds." (Psalm 77:11-12 NIV)

Have you been forgetting to focus lately? What can you do to make sure you are not forgetting to focus on God?