Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Being Real

Last night I went to Bible Study at church. Fourteen of us women gathered around some tables in the fellowship hall and discussed 2 Kings 6 and 7. 

I got to read from chapter 6 right away, then I listened as they talked about how God cares even about the small things in our lives (like borrowed axeheads).

Then we went on in chapter 6 and saw how God blinded the Arameans after they surrounded the city where Elisha was. 

I just had to jump in and comment. "Did anyone else think of Star Wars when he says, 'This is not the road and this is not the city' in verse 19? You know, like 'These are not the droids you're looking for.'

Our poor leader didn't know what to say. She wasn't a big Star Wars fan. I got a few chuckles from some of the ladies, but someone else said they didn't know much about Star Wars, either.

We went on, but I got stuck for a few seconds in self-doubt. 

Oh no, why did that have to be the first comment I made tonight? They're going to think I'm strange. I'm just getting to know them. I should have kept my mouth shut and waited to say something more wise and thoughtful.

Thankfully, I didn't get too stuck in those thoughts. I shook them off and followed along with the study, even saying a few things that were a little more "normal."

We ended with some business and delicious desserts, then headed for home. I was offered a ride across the parking lot along with 2 other ladies since it was raining pretty hard out. 

I guess the Star Wars comment bothered me more than I even realized, because I couldn't seem to stop myself from saying something like, "I hope that wasn't too weird that I mentioned Star Wars tonight" as I got ready to open the car door.

"Oh no," the ladies assured me. "That was fine. We have lots of Star Wars fans around Platte." I dove for the garage door, and then kicked myself a little more as I went in the house.

You dummy, now they're going to think you're even more weird for asking about it! You should have just let it go. I'll bet they're going to tell the other women I was worried about it and they'll all think I'm strange.

Again, I had to be firm with myself to stop this train of thought. These are nice women. None of them were putting on a show just for Bible Study, and I shouldn't either. They might as well know right away that I have kind of a quirky sense of humor. (I really could have saved it for next month, though) 

Genuine, lasting relationships happen when people are real with each other. When women (and men) show each other grace and understanding, an atmosphere is created where people feel free to be who God created them to be. No judgement is felt, only love.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I sang the song "Free to Be Me" by Francesca Battistelli at a community service. I talked beforehand about how we're all free to be the unique person that God has made us. What a hypocrite I'd be if I didn't live that out as I start to do life with these new friends.

I'll be real, but I think I'll lay off the Star Wars quotes for a while.

"The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." (1 Timothy 1:5 NIV)

Do you worry too much about what people think of you? How can focusing on God help you to be real and focus more on loving others than impressing them?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Timeshares

Gary and I stayed at a hotel in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee for four nights at a very good rate, plus we were offered a $150 gift card.

All we had to do was promise to sit through a two-hour presentation the second day of our vacation.

They didn't say "timeshare" during the phone call, but we knew that's what we were signing up for. 

Sure, we'll take a cheap vacation! We know how to say "no."

Now, I don't want to upset any readers who may have already purchased a timeshare. I imagine it may work for certain families who like to vacation in a certain way.

We are not one of those families. 

We wouldn't feel comfortable staying in a fancy resort like the one in Puerto Rico in my title graphic above. We like things a little simpler. We don't want to be locked into anything.

As I've pondered timeshares since our trip, I've thought about sharing our faith and how it might seem like a timeshare to some people.

Say a prayer and you get to go to heaven? Yeah, right! What aren't you telling me?

When we got to our presentation, we started out in a room full of about twenty people. The guy in front rattled off tons of information and explained why vacationing this way just made perfect sense. 

He showed pictures of beautiful resorts and explained how you could go practically anywhere and save so much money if you just owned so many "points" with their company.

When he got done, he turned us over to our personal representative. Our guy sat us down and asked if we had any questions. When we said we weren't interested, he said he understood but he still needed to show us the showrooms so he'd be doing his job well. 

We walked through the cabin, then the townhouse, and then the yurt. They were very nice, we had to admit. On the way back inside, we told him we still weren't interested. He said fine, but he needed to have his boss come and show us some other options before we finished.

Boss came, showed us two more options. We said we still weren't interested, signed a paper saying so, and then our representative led us to the desk to get our gift card and we were on our way back to our hotel. Whew! We made it out without caving in!

How much different it should be when we're sharing our faith with others.

First of all, we need to be honest. We share our lives with all of its ups and downs, showing how our faith in God helps us to keep going. We can't tell people that everything is going to be like staying a luxury resort with all of the amenities after they accept Christ. 

It's going to cost them something. Sometimes it will be financial costs, sometimes it will be emotional or relational costs. But it will all be worth it.

Next, we need to keep offering this relationship with Christ.

One of the things I noticed about the timeshare presentation was how many times they emphasized the fact that it was "today only." They are in real estate and they legally can't offer the incentives again later.

They created a sense of urgency. They wanted us to think, "Oh my gosh, this is a pretty good deal! I better sign up today or I won't get a chance again."

It's so different from the Gospel message. Of course, as Christians we feel the urgency of introducing people to Christ so that their eternal destiny is assured in heaven. It's important!

However, we don't have to pressure someone into accepting Christ. We trust the Holy Spirit to work in that person's heart until they are ready to surrender. We can share the Gospel and let them go home and think about it...praying that they will make that decision to "buy" when the time is right.

Finally, we always speak in love. Our timeshare reps were very nice, very understanding, and very low pressure. They told us about their company, showed us around, and smiled when we told them "no."

We've heard about companies that are not so nice. They make you stay for hours and hours as they try to convince you why you should buy their timeshare. They get downright rude.

Years ago, we sat through a presentation like that. We finally got away, but it left a very bad taste in our mouth for that company. I'm sure we would never consider them or recommend them to anyone.

We don't want to be like that with the Gospel message. We present it with love, especially to those we've already developed a relationship with. When people say no, we need to continue being kind and live out our faith in hopes that someday they'll change their minds. It does no good to beat people over the head with our Bibles. That would make them that much more skeptical and wary of those called "Christians."

So no, we don't own a timeshare...but we're looking forward to an absolutely beautiful final home.

"Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, transitory though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that brought condemnation was glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was transitory came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!" (2 Corinthians 3:7-11 NIV)

Are you skeptical about offers that seem too good to be true? Do most people feel this way about the Gospel? How can focusing on God help you to share your faith in honest, low-pressure, loving ways?

  

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Love

This is going to be a weekend filled with love.

Tomorrow afternoon a young couple will get married in our church. I watched the rehearsal tonight and remembered our wedding so many, many years ago (Twenty-seven!). I listened to their vows and thought of the day we had made our vows to each other and I wondered how faithful I have been in living those out.

Gary would hopefully say I've done well, but I know I've gotten lazy and selfish and complacent at times. There's nothing like a wedding to help you prioritize your own marriage. 

I'll be praying for Daniel and Taylor as they begin their married life together, and I'll keep praying for our marriage as we learn to love each other even more than the day we got married.

On Sunday, the GEMS and Cadets have a special service. Gary realized midway through the week that the scripture passage was the same for both the wedding and the service the kids will help lead. 1 John 4:7-8 tells us that love is from God. If we know Him then we will love. For the service on Sunday I think Gary is focusing on how God's love fills us up and then overflows to other people. What a beautiful image...being so full of love that it can't help but flow to others.

http://www.yolandadeloach.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/overflowing-cup.jpg

Let's focus on that this week. Loving our spouse, loving our families, loving others as God's love fills us up and overflows.

It's going to be a lovely weekend.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." (1 John 4:7-8 NIV)

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on The Bachelor

It's getting close to midnight...looks like it might be a Sorry Saturday this week. I think I've been putting off my blog this week because I kept thinking about the topic I had chosen and I knew it could be a touchy subject.

I mean, you either love The Bachelor or you hate The Bachelor, am I right? I sure do. Which one? Both, actually. Let me explain.

Until about a month ago, I would have said I hated The Bachelor. Every time a commercial came on TV about it my kids would hear lots of negative comments from me. They knew I hated it. I would splutter on for a while about how terrible it was that people were trying to pick the person they would marry while they were on TV. It just couldn't work because people wouldn't be real in front of the cameras and there would be too much pressure, etc., etc., etc. I had lots to say about it at home.

Of course, I never said anything when I was around friends who loved watching it. I just kept my mouth shut and kept my opinions to myself.

Then I went to Florida. My mom likes to watch The Bachelor and I couldn't be rude and tell her how much I hated it, right? So I sat and watched it the first Monday I was there. I still thought it was a terrible way to find love, but I became interested in Ben and the girls (the many girls!) he was dating. One of them was especially intense and "interesting." (If you watch I'm sure you know the one.) The next week my sister was in Florida, too, so all three of us sat down to watch the show. We commented loudly on Ben's choices and what we thought of each girl. It was kind of fun.

I got back to Iowa and we had a couple of other shows to watch on Monday night, but Gary turned it to the last couple of minutes of The Bachelor. I saw who he gave his final rose to and who had to go home. I announced, "Now I remember why I hate this show" as I watched a broken-hearted girl ride away in a limo, but the next day I went to my computer and watched the entire episode because I was hooked. I just had to see what happened to Olivia and the rest of the girls. Plus, they showed upcoming scenes where Ben falls in love with two girls and he lets one go home, but then he changes his mind and lets the other one go home and calls the other one (I'm not spoiling anything for anybody, am I? It has all been on the previews for upcoming shows). Now I have to watch. I must know who those two girls are and which one he picks. Will it be Amanda? JoJo? I get it now. Once you watch, you have to find out how it ends.

As we celebrate Valentine's Day this weekend, I thought it might be good to focus on The Bachelor a little bit. I am hooked on this season, but I still think it's a terrible premise. As the show moves along, you can see everyone getting more and more stressed. The girls get jealous when Ben spends time with someone else. They get desperate for his attention. They cry during their little on camera interviews and whine, "I know I signed up for this, but it's just so hard when he's dating so many other girls."

I worry about everyone on the show. In the previews Ben cries because he's falling in love with two girls and can't decide. Everyone is crying because they're all falling in love and they know he can only end up with one of them. It was kind of fun to comment about one girl's crazy behaviors, but then I started thinking about her, too, and I worry for her. She is a real human being. What will that do to her as she goes home and watches the show and sees the comments about her. Will it ruin her for life? It's one thing to have fun picking apart a fictional character on a show or in a book, but what does it do to someone when they are ridiculed for being themselves?

We all know love isn't supposed to work this way. The best way to fall in love is to wait for one person God leads us to, get to know them over time (without cameras following our every move), and then make the decision to either look for someone else or love that person for a lifetime. 

Love is a choice, you know. I'm sure Ben could make love work with any one of the girls on The Bachelor. They all have really good qualities (yes, all of them). Love is a conscious choice to communicate, show love, forgive, and share life together.

If you're single, be patient as you wait for someone to come along that you can choose to love. If you're married, keep making that choice to really love your spouse each day. God will help us all to accept His love for us so that we can pour out love to everyone in our lives. 

So, now you know why I hate and love The Bachelor. I'm going to stop watching - right after this season is over.

[Note on March 4, 2016 - I'm back to just hating The Bachelor. I didn't realize that they had a fantasy suite and sleep together. This is so wrong, plus the heartache that everyone goes through as everyone's emotions are pulled in so many directions. Dating one person at a time is the only way to really look for true love.]

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (I Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV)

Do you watch The Bachelor? That's okay, but as you watch, think about the mistakes everyone is making as they "fall in love." How can focusing on God help you to really fall in love and choose to keep loving your spouse?

P.S. - Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband Gary on Sunday! We just celebrated our 26th anniversary on February 10. I'm looking forward to many, many more happy years together!

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Real Love

This is an interesting year as far as Valentine's Day goes. Gary and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on Tuesday by going away overnight and going out for a steak dinner and relaxing in the hotel's pool and hot tub. It was nice to get away from everyday stresses for a day or so and just enjoy being together. I'm so glad God led us together so many years ago and has blessed our marriage.

I've been upset to hear of so many couples we know of who have divorced. Sadly, it seems like many of them are pastors or missionaries. I think it just reminds us that Satan often targets people in ministry and we need to stay strong and fight back when we're tempted to let the stresses and pressures of life drive a wedge between us.

I'm afraid it may have been a bad idea to wait until 11 p.m. to write this blog post. Bear with me while I try to say something that will make sense and hopefully encourage you. As I was saying, this is an interesting year. What I'm mainly referring to is the release of that awful movie, "Fifty Shades of Grey." Even though I don't plan to see it, it seems to have cast a negative shadow on Valentine's Day for me this year. I can hardly believe that so many people are excited about seeing it and that they consider it "romantic" when it deals with such violence in the name of "love." I'll refrain from more opinions and just encourage you to stay away from it so that your mind is not poisoned by the images and ideas it illustrates.

Instead, let's focus on real love. Real love is not violent and overbearing. It is patient and kind and understanding. As broken human beings, we won't ever love the people in our lives perfectly, but we can keep trying to love as Jesus loves. We can apologize when we make mistakes and we can choose to love even when it's hard.

The devotional our family read from today had a quote from the movie "A League of Their Own." Star catcher Dottie Hinson (Geena Davis) wants to quit the women's professional baseball team and she tells the manager, Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks).

"It just got too hard," she says.

"It's supposed to be hard," Dugan says. "If it weren't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."

The hard is what makes it great. Those words have stuck with me. I know I tend to stick to the easy stuff most of the time, but as I look back over my life, this phrase is true.

Practicing for hours on my high school swim team was hard but it was great to win some races and be in shape.

Playing piano and guitar to get ready for a performance is hard work, but it's great to master a song and have an audience enjoy it.

Parenting four children with different temperaments and character traits is hard, but it's great to see the young men and women they are becoming.

Being married to the same person for 25 years is hard at times, but it is so rewarding to reach that milestone and still feel in love with your best friend. The hard is what makes it great.

We can do the hard things. We don't have to take the easy way out when we reach a rough spot in the road. God will show us what to do. We also can't worry about others judging us for the choices we make. Sometimes getting out of a difficult situation is the hard thing that will bring us to something great (I'm thinking things like spouses in abusive situations and my own decision to stop teaching full-time because of the depression it led to). Stay close to God and He will show you the next step in your journey. The thing He will always want you to do is show love.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day as you focus on real love.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
                                                                                                   (I John 4:7-11 NIV)

Are you confused about what real love looks like? Can you see how focusing on the love that Jesus shows can help you show real love to your spouse, your children, and everyone God has placed in your life? How can doing the hard thing lead to something great?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Love

I've had an annoying song running around in my head lately. It's been driving me crazy. It's especially bad because once in a while I almost sing it out loud and I wouldn't want my poor husband to hear it and get offended. Why? Well, let me type a line or two and you'll see why:

"You've lost that loving feeling, oh that loving feeling...You've lost that loving feeling, now it's gone, gone, gone, Whoa-oh"

See what I mean? Wouldn't you get a little paranoid if your spouse started wailing that around the house?

The song that was stuck in my head seemed to have come out of nowhere, but as I thought about it earlier this week, those lyrics probably are a good explanation for what I had been feeling lately. Those "loving feelings" just weren't showing up much in my marriage in recent days.

Now, I love my husband very much. On Monday we celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. We love each other. We spend lots of time together and I can say without hesitation that we are each other's best friend and it's great that way.

Unfortunately, I have been blessed with a personality that tends to over-analyze and idealize pretty much everything. That can be bad for a marriage when I get frustrated because we don't have the perfect relationship I have built up in my mind.

I know I love Gary in my head, but sometimes the feelings go away when I focus on the wrong things. Let's face it, in 24 years there are lots of opportunities to hurt and offend each other. We each have certain habits that annoy the other person. If I don't choose to forgive, I can hold onto a past offense for a long time, and my mind dredges it back up to stew over when I'm upset about something current.

Two years ago, Gary and I took a trip to Spain. It was his idea. I studied in Madrid during college and we went there on our honeymoon. I had been bugging him for years to take me there again, and one day he called my bluff. We made our plans and headed overseas, but in my heart I wasn't totally on board. I pasted a smile on my face and put on a good show, but I couldn't completely enjoy the trip because I was nursing lots of little resentments toward my husband at that time. I didn't want to let him off the hook and just enjoy myself. 

Even while we were on the trip I kept a little list of disappointments. We didn't stop at some of the little towns we buzzed through in our rental car. We didn't eat enough authentic Spanish food. I didn't get to row long enough in the little boat in Retiro Park - he took the oars back and paddled us around the pond. The sunset wasn't beautiful enough at the westernmost point of Spain.

Now, mind you, I didn't voice many of these concerns to him. I mostly just stored them up in my heart and stuffed my resentments down deep. But when you bury something ugly like that, it's bound to rot and decay and ruin a lot more than just the memory of a fantastic vacation.

Because that's what it was - a fantastic vacation. I mean, really, the man took me to SPAIN! We rented a car and he drove me to almost every corner of that great country. Sure, we didn't stop in every little town, but we stopped in lots of wonderful places and saw so much. We didn't eat lots of authentic Spanish foods, but that's more my thing than his. The authentic foods we did eat were delicious and memorable, if I choose to remember them. I didn't row enough in Retiro Park? Well, boo hoo! I should have said, "I'd like to row a little more" when he reached for the oars. The sunset was a bust? So what? That man of mine went out of his way to drive me down unfamiliar roads to the westernmost point of Spain and sit for a couple of hours in the wind as we waited for the sun to set. It was fun, and as I look back at the pictures now, the sunset looks even prettier than it was when we were actually there.

A quick selfie while waiting for the sunset in Spain

As I'm writing, my heart feels warm toward my husband. Truth is, all week my feelings have been getting better toward him, because I've been focusing on the good in our marriage instead of the little disappointments that inevitably creep in.

I guess that's why I wanted to write about love this week. It makes sense since today is Valentine's Day, I know, but I wanted to give some hope and encouragement to other women out there who may lose "those loving feelings" at times. When it comes to marriage, our focus makes all the difference. Don't give up on your marriage when you're not feeling those romantic feelings you think you should always have. Those will come and go. Hang on for dear life (the life of your marriage) until they come back.

Happy Birthday and Happy Valentine's Day to my wonderful husband, Gary!