Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Disappointment

Tonight I decided to go to the "Movies Under the Moon" event at Overman Park in Cedar Falls. I'm weird. I haven't ever stayed for the movie. I just go to hear the guitar music that leads up to the main event.

I knew the weather was a bit iffy, and I even called Bob's Guitars to see if they had cancelled, but they weren't sure at the time I called. Later, it looked like the weather was going to miss us.

I should have called again, because when I got to Overman Park, this is what I found:

                                    

I was so disappointed. I had been looking forward to sitting in my lawn chair, enjoying the music, eating most of a big bag of Kettle Corn, and watching all of the people in the park.

Usually this area is just full of men, women, children, and often their dog (or dogs). I love watching all of the interactions between friends and family members as they set up for watching the movie.

This is where I normally could buy a yummy slice of banana cream pie!

I had been looking forward to the evening so much, now what was I supposed to do?

I walked up by the band shell to take a few pictures and then I got in my car and drove back home.

I was disappointed and kicking myself at first for wasting time and gas going to something that I knew might be cancelled.

As I drove home I tried to look at the positives instead:

I got to spend about an hour enjoying a nice drive.

I didn't eat most of a huge bag of Kettle Corn by myself.

I noticed a plaque in the center of the sidewalk that I had never noticed before. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime in another Focus Friday.

I heard a couple of great new songs on KNWC on the way to and from Cedar Falls. The music helped me worship God after a busy day helping at the daycare center.

I took a risk and survived when it didn't turn out like I expected. It wasn't the end of the world. 

I would have missed out on something special if I had stayed home worrying about the possible bad weather and they had held the event after all. 

I want to live like that. I want to take chances and experience amazing things, even if it means I'm disappointed sometimes.

Disappointment can be a reminder to us and help us to get our focus back on God when something doesn't go as planned.

Man, I really wanted that Kettle Corn.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." (Psalm 42:11 and Psalm 43:5 NIV)

How do you handle disappointment? How can focusing on God help you to set aside the negative emotions that disappointment can bring?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Good Conduct

This has been a tough week for all of us. I don't feel like I can focus on anything but the current political situation in our country, but I don't feel smart enough or brave enough to attempt a detailed analysis of what has been going on.

My heart hurts over the division we are seeing in our country. No matter who you voted for on Tuesday, you're probably experiencing some uncertainty about what the future holds. I just want to remind you: If you're a Christian then you have many reasons to have hope for the future. God is sovereign and He has everything under control.

So for this week, I'd like to focus on good conduct. So many people are expressing their feelings with hurtful, hateful words toward those who don't agree with them. "My brothers and sisters, this should not be!" (James 3:9-10)

At Fresh Hope this week we talked about a topic called "The 4 Conducts" from Fresh Hope's topic cards (#302). Even if you don't deal with a mental health diagnosis, I think it might help all of us to take a look at them today.

1. Speak carefully. Words can hurt or heal. Use words for good. Say what you mean, mean what you say. 

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD." (Psalm 19:14 NIV)

2. Be humble. It really isn't all about you. Look at others as the Lord sees them.

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another..." (1 Peter 5:5 NIV)

3. Live in truth. Believe in the power of truth. Speak truth in love. Seek truth.

"Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth." (Psalm 86:11a NIV)

4. Always do your best. Do your best for whatever state you are in - good days or bad days. Live for an audience of one (for God).

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (Colossians 3:23-24 NIV)

Let's all try to put these 4 conducts into practice. They will help us in all of our relationships.

Do you have problems with communication? How can focusing on God and practicing these 4 conducts help you improve relationships and experience more peace?  

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Stranger Things

I started watching a show on Netflix recently. It kept popping up in my suggested shows and my daughter Allison kept asking, "Have you watched Stranger Things yet?" I usually hate scary movies and shows, but I decided to give it a try.

I'm only three episodes into it, and I probably won't ever be able to dump the dehumidifier at church again without turning on the light in the boiler room, but I have to say I really like it.

We don't have too many scary things happening at our house, unless you count the strange way just my right shoes keep getting a hole in the toe: 

Three, count 'em, three pairs of shoes ruined!

Maybe there's a tiny Demogorgon hiding in my shoes. (That's one of the monsters they mention a lot in the first few episodes of Stranger Things.)

Anyway, I've been kind of surprised at how much I like this show in spite of the creepy, scary aspects of it. There's just enough humor, mystery, and sweetness to keep me watching. It's interesting to see Winona Ryder playing a distraught mother who desperately tries to connect with her missing son by...well, I won't tell you that. Maybe you want to find out for yourself.

I've spent quite a bit of time pondering the first few episodes. (Is so-and-so really dead? What happened to Barb? Will Nancy ever wake up and realize her love interest is a total jerk? Sorry, I didn't want to have any spoilers in this post.) I'm looking forward to continuing as soon as I can get back to another episode. What will happen next? 

I've also found myself comparing Stranger Things to life. We never know what's going to happen next. There are plenty of scary things that happen to us, but there are also so many joyful, humorous, and sweet things that happen, too.

We need to move through life expectantly, thoughtfully. Not with fear (as so many characters in Stranger Things do), but with faith that God has us right where He wants us and He'll be right there with us, no matter what happens. The good and the bad are all a part of life. It's all part of our story.

If we strive to keep our thoughts positive and hopeful it will make such a difference in how we respond to every situation. Negative thinking will just ensure that we stay miserable and fearful. It's hard some days, but let's try to focus on the positive and choose happiness whenever we can.

"All the days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and forebodings], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]." (Proverbs 15:15 Amplified Bible)

Do you look forward in life with hope and joy, or do you find yourself more negative and fearful? How can focusing on God help you to expect wonderful things from life, even if that includes difficult situations?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Hope

(I wrote the following article today for our church newsletter and decided it would work well for Focus Friday with just a few little changes)

Around this time last year, my life began to spin out of control. I was excited to start a new teaching job, but it didn’t take too long to see that something was wrong. I was doing a good job, but I got more and more nervous, focusing on the things that weren’t going well instead of the many things that were. I loved the students, but I worried too much about whether they liked me as a teacher and it crushed me when many of them didn’t like Spanish in spite of my best efforts.

I prayed, I read my Bible, I listened to encouraging songs on the way to school, but those negative thoughts swirled through my mind so much that I couldn’t keep ahead of them. I kept telling myself, “You just need to relax!” but that was easier said than done. I had trouble sleeping, I lost my appetite and felt sick to my stomach, I couldn’t concentrate to make lesson plans and that added to my stress. By the time I went to the doctor for my depression and anxiety, it had gone on too long. Seeing a counselor and taking medication was helpful, but those things take some time to work. One weekend I found that I had no hope left. I didn’t see how I could continue teaching and I didn’t know how I could stop. I was stuck in a very bad place and I wanted out. Thankfully, I talked to Gary about all of this and we decided to go to the hospital. Being admitted gave me time for the medicines to work and to get away from the stress. I felt so much love from our church family and other family members and friends as they all prayed for me and sent wonderful cards and notes. I decided to resign from the teaching position and when I got home I concentrated on getting well again.

When I went to the hospital I felt absolutely no hope. Of course, this added to my guilt because as a Christian I knew that I did have hope in Jesus. I just didn’t feel it. In the months since then, the hope has come back. Life is good again. It’s not perfect. It can’t ever be, but I’m learning to hold on to hope and keep choosing to stay well instead of sliding back down into depression. I am feeling so much better than I did last year.

One of the things that helped was talking with a friend who also deals with depression. She recommended a book by Brad Hoefs called “Fresh Hope: Living Well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis” and she talked about her desire to start a Fresh Hope support group in Hampton (they did start one - it meets twice a month on Monday nights). As we talked more, I became interested as well. Fresh Hope is a peer to peer Christian support group for those who have a mental health diagnosis and their loved ones.

We’re starting a group here on Thursday, September 10. It will meet weekly at The Corner on Main Street in Allison, Iowa from 7 to 8:30 p.m.There is no need to register ahead of time, you can just come if you have had a mental health diagnosis or if you know and love someone who does. You don’t even have to commit to coming weekly, just come check it out and see if it would be helpful for you.

You can find out more about Fresh Hope at freshhope.us and also find out if there is a group that meets near you. Please email me (robyn mulder at hot mail dot com) if you have any questions or just need to talk. I don’t want anyone to get stuck in that dark, hopeless place. There is hope!

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:19-23 NIV)

Have you lost your hope? How can focusing on God help you to get hope back and live a fulfilling, exciting (not perfect) life?

                                                                       

                                            

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Change

I went to my doctor today. We talked about how I've been feeling lately. She asked me lots of questions and I tried to answer honestly. Some of them had me a little stumped. "Did you feel this way before the depression, or just after you started taking the medication?" Um, I'm not sure. I answered that way to several questions and felt even more stupid when she asked what I normally do all day and I could hardly answer. I mean, I do stuff, right? But I sat there for several long seconds before I listed a few things off. Our conclusion was that I don't have much energy most of the time and I usually lack focus. (That sure sounds much better than saying I'm lazy and need to work harder.) All I know is I'm not feeling as good as I'd like to feel yet. There are some up days, but there are also some down days where the despair threatens again.

She decided to change my medication to a different antidepressant and see if it works better for me. That means I'll taper off the generic Lexipro I'm on now and then begin taking a low dose of generic Cymbalta in about eight days. I thought that was a good idea in the office, but when I got home I began to worry (especially after the pharmacy called and the recording said it was going to cost $108!). 

I talked with Gary and started to worry aloud in front of him. Does it cost too much? Should I stay on Lexipro? What if the new medicine doesn't work? Do you think she'll want me to stay on it indefinitely? Should I try to get off it after a year or so? He calmed me down and reminded me to take it a day at a time instead of looking so far ahead. "Just see if the new medicine works," he encouraged. "If it helps you feel better it's worth the money. If you're on it for a year or two and want to try going off it, you can decide then. Don't worry about that now." 

He's right (He usually is). I guess I get scared of change way too often. The way things have always been are comfortable, even if they're not working the way I'd like. As I write tonight, I wonder if many of you can relate to that, even if you aren't dealing with depression.

Maybe you're not happy with the way your marriage is going, but you're afraid that making changes in the way you relate will be hard work and it might lead to even more struggles before you get to a better place.

Maybe your relationship with your child is changing as they grow up and you're anxious about the mistakes you've made or the mistakes they may make as they go out on their own.

Maybe you feel like it's time for a job change but that thought scares you. What you're doing now doesn't feel good, but you've done it for a long time and you're good at it. Making a change may put you in new situations that you might succeed at, but you also could fail. 

Maybe your relationship with God feels shallow and comfortable. You go to church, but you don't really think about Him much during the rest of the week. Making a change in this area could lead to uncomfortable feelings and lifestyle changes that may be really difficult. 

Change can be difficult, but change can lead to wonderful new experiences, emotional growth, and spiritual maturing. We have to push aside the "What ifs" and be willing to move ahead in exciting, scary directions.

I will move ahead, hoping that this new med will work better and get me to a happier place as I continue to work on how I'm thinking about life and the situations I'm in. I know that God has great things in store for me, I just need to trust Him and work with my doctor to get there.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Are you afraid of change? What things might need to change in your life so that you can experience the plans God has for you?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Hitting the Right Notes

I played the keyboard in church last Sunday. I always get a little nervous when I do that. I have to practice quite a bit before I feel really comfortable with all of the songs.

We were gone all day Saturday (Happy 90th Birthday to Gary's mom!) and came home through lots of snow and bad roads. We made it and I ran through the songs one more time on Saturday evening.

I was glad for the small crowd on Sunday morning because of the weather. I figured it might go better with fewer people to hear me play. Things went quite well until after the offering. I played a hymn during that time and then launched into the introduction to the Doxology. That's the cue in our church for everyone to stand up and get ready to sing. 

Suddenly - disaster! I was playing but something was terribly wrong. It didn't sound anything at all like what I was supposed to be playing. I'm sure the congregation wondered if we were going to sing a different song that morning. Well, after too many measures I finally realized that the previous song had about five flats and the Doxology has one sharp. I had continued playing most of the flats and that just didn't work. When I got to the song I finally had my mind wrapped around "one sharp" and everyone seemed to catch up to the Doxology after the first couple of notes.

It was really no big deal, but it was noticeable. I laughed and asked a couple of people if they liked my intro to the Doxology during fellowship time and they laughed along with me and one of them said she had seen me make a face so they knew that I had figured out that something was wrong. 

That little goof up had me thinking all week long. Now, I tend to think way too much about lots of things and that can be bad for me, but I think this time it was productive thinking. 

I thought about how I went through that time of deep depression some months ago and how negative I was thinking. It was like I was going through life with lots of flats, focusing on the negative and getting anxious about life's pressures and demands. 

I got the help I needed and started to feel hope again, but this time of transition doesn't always "sound" the best. I'm trying to look forward with hope and live a joyful life, but there are days when life is a chaotic, ugly sounding mess because I'm still "playing the flats" when I should be focused on the "sharps."

What we have to remember as we push through and overcome depression is that how we think will make a big difference in getting better. Focusing on the "flats" (I can't do this. Life is too hard. I'll never be happy again.) just keeps us stuck in depression and despair. Choosing to focus on the "sharps" (This is hard, but God will help me do it. Life is hard, but it's worth it. I feel sad sometimes, but I will feel joy again.) will help us feel hope and fulfillment. 

My intro was a mess. (You don't believe me? You can go take a listen at http://youtu.be/wsEDTZM7rLs  - the whole service is worth listening to, but you can also just skip to 46:54 and have a good laugh) The thing is, once I figured out that I was playing flats instead of sharps I changed how I was playing. I didn't play the whole Doxology with flats just because that's how I started out. No, I changed to the right notes and it sounded so much better. I'm going to try to keep that in mind in life, too. I don't have to keep repeating negative thoughts just because I've done it for so long. I'm going to try thinking the right way so that my life is beautiful and is full of joy and hope.

"Finally, brothers [and sisters], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Do you spend more time thinking about negative things or positive things? Can you see how focusing on things that are excellent and praiseworthy could help you live a happier, more hopeful life?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Hope

By now, you probably realize that this blog comes from whatever I'm dealing with each week. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Yesterday I was dealing with some ugly stuff again. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning and I kind of moped through my day. Several times I had the thought "This is hopeless." I don't feel as bad as I did, but I don't feel as good as I'd like, either. I looked around at all that I could and should be doing and had trouble deciding just what to do. So I did a whole lot of nothing.

That's not a good way to spend the day, my friends. A little before supper I decided to do my devotions from "Jesus Calling." I read the devotional for the day and looked up the verses and was amazed to once again have God meet me right where I'm at and remind me of things I'd forgotten.

Here's what I read:

I immediately felt so much better. Of course things are not hopeless because I have God. A God of hope! As a Christian I need to cling desperately to that hope and let it fill me with joy and peace.

Now, that being said, there are times when we can't find hope. Sometimes depression causes chemical changes in our brains and it's almost impossible to find any hope. That's when we need to reach out for help. Medications and good counseling can get us back to a more stable emotional condition where we can find hope again and that hope will get us back to a place where we can feel joy and peace instead of sadness, anxiety, and despair.

If we're just having a bad day we can remind ourselves of the hope we have in God. Hope makes all the difference when we're going through a hard time. We don't muster it up on our own. We need to let the power of the Holy Spirit give us that hope so that it can overflow and encourage everyone around us.

Do you ever lose hope? How can focusing on hope help us to get through difficult times?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Looking Back

I spent some time earlier this week finally getting a bunch of articles onto my website. I had changed to a new hosting company many months ago and never got around to moving the articles. It really didn't take that long once I sat down to do it, and it was pretty interesting to read over each one as I moved it. I caught some typos that I had missed before and I noticed that themes like depression and perfectionism appeared quite often. I also noticed that I used the word "focus" quite a bit, and this was way back in 1998 or so. 

On the one hand it was a bit discouraging to see that I'm dealing with many of the same issues I struggled with about fifteen years ago, but on the other hand it was good to see what I thought back then and realize that I have grown over the years. Even though I'm dealing with depression and I still fight perfectionism, I'm a more mature person now and I'm miles ahead of where I was back when I wrote many of those articles. 

God still has things to teach me. I'm trying to be attentive and not waste this chance to figure some things out and hopefully live life even better in the years ahead. Looking back helped me to see how far I've come and shed some light on some of the issues I'm figuring out now.

I hope everyone reading this can spend some time looking back so that you can look forward with hope. Maybe you have some old journals you can look through or photo albums that remind you of who you were many years ago. At least spend some time thinking about how you used to act or react and rejoice in any improvements you've made in recent years. If you don't see much change, maybe you need the help of a good counselor so that those changes can take place. Make sure you don't get stuck thinking about the past and its disappointments. We can all move forward from wherever we're at today.

If you like this blog, you may enjoy reading my articles over at www.therobynsnest.org

Do you need to spend some time looking back so that you can move forward well? Can you see how focusing on the improvements you've made can give you hope for the future?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Enjoying the Process

Since I've been feeling better, I've been trying to get back to some activities that I enjoy so I keep feeling good. I've had this pile sitting in various places around the house for years:

This is a project that my grandma gave me a long time ago. She gave me the instruction book, fabric, needles, and every color of embroidery floss so I could create a beautiful counted cross stitch picture.

So I got it out last Sunday afternoon and this is what I found:

Quite a bit was done, but as I worked I realized that there were many, many, many tiny stitches left before the picture would be complete. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just cut it up and throw it away. I didn't know if it was worth my time just for a cute picture.

I kept stitching, but I pondered that unwelcome, destructive thought for a while. Here's what I realized: sometimes I approach life this way, too. I want to see that perfect, completed picture and know that my life turns out beautiful, but I dread the work it takes to get there. I want instant progress and answers, but life seldom works that way. Usually we have many hours, days, weeks, and years of seemingly thankless, painstaking work before we see the finished product.

With counted cross stitch, you don't do it because it is less expensive and easier than buying a finished picture. You do it because it can be relaxing and fun to see your tiny stitches add up until you finally see a picture taking shape. You enjoy the process and then you enjoy the final product.

I think that's something we can focus on this week. Let's all try to enjoy the process. Enjoy this life that God has given us. Stop wishing that the "picture" was complete and instead take delight in each criss and cross of the lives we lead. Sure, sometimes the thread will get tangled or we may have miscounted and have to rip out a little section and try again to get it right, but we can enjoy even those moments as we slow down and look at the big picture more closely.

I will keep plugging away at my counted cross stitch project, and I pray that all of us can keep plugging away at the lives we each lead. Enjoy the different colors that we get to work with and marvel at the different picture that God has designed for each of us.

We won't see those life pictures completed until we reach heaven someday, but here's a picture of what my project will look like when I finally get it done: 

I'm going to keep working on it, and I'm going to keep trying to enjoy every moment of this life I've been given. I don't have to just wish for the final results; I can enjoy the process each step of the way.

Do you get frustrated when you think there's too much work involved before you see the results you desire? Can you see how focusing on God can help you to really enjoy the process as you go through life?