Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Asking for Help

I don't like asking for help.

I'll struggle with something for far too long before I finally admit that I can't do it myself.

It can be little things like pickle jars that won't open or not being able to move a piece of furniture on my own.

It can also be bigger things, usually more emotional than physical.

That was part of the problem when I got so depressed about four years ago. I was struggling with different aspects of a teaching job and I wouldn't ask for help. Even worse, people were offering help and I was just too sick to accept it.

I've been experiencing some of those same feelings lately. Oh, don't worry, it won't turn into depression this time. I'm healthy enough to notice how I'm thinking and feeling, and I'm going to do what I need to do to stay healthy emotionally.

Part of that is asking for help.

I need to talk to Gary about everything and not just hope these annoying anxious thoughts go away on their own.

I need to reach out to others when I'm not sure how to do something, so I don't get stressed out about whatever it is.

Gardening, for example.

I've been feeling a bit of stress about "my" garden.

I put my in quotes because it was actually the previous pastor's wife who planted some flowers in the backyard. Before we got here, some of the ladies weeded the area. Only one plant was blooming, but it looked very nice.

I went out there several times, but I didn't really know what was growing. Then I was gone last week, and we've gotten lots of rain, and suddenly the spot looked like this:

 It doesn't look so nice, does it?

The thing is, I decided I really do want to keep it up. I've walked around Platte and there are so many pretty flower gardens. I want to have one, too!

But I don't know how. And I've been too proud to ask for help. 

I know that some of the things growing out there are weeds, like thistles and grass.

But I don't know what some of the rest of it is. I didn't want to pull out flowers, so I left it all alone.

This morning I took a walk, and on my way home I saw my neighbor Suzy working in her yard. She has lots of flowers, so I stopped to talk to her. She showed me how she was cutting some of her plants back so they would keep growing. 

I told her how I wanted to garden, but I didn't know how. "I didn't know how at first, either," she said.

"How did you learn?"

She thought a moment and said that she had a couple of sisters-in-law that gardened and she learned from them.

I went home and spent a little time in my garden. I was dismayed by all of the weeds I saw, but I was also encouraged when I saw buds on some of the plants and realized I'll see some flowers soon.

(I don't know what this is, but I think it has buds)

Look, a lily!

I think these are something, too, but I don't know what.

It's time to ask for help. I can keep showing up at Suzy's and ask lots of questions. I know there are lots of ladies at church that like to garden and would be happy to help me.

It's just getting past that initial embarrassment of admitting that I don't know what I'm doing. I'll have to be willing to laugh at myself if they come over and can't believe I didn't know that a certain plant was just a weed. 

I can't compare my efforts with the beautiful yards some people have. I just need to learn with the small area that someone planted for me and see if I like gardening enough to expand in the years ahead.

I can ask when I get stuck in other areas of my life and I know someone else has the knowledge or talent to help me.

Most of all, I can ask God for help when I'm feeling anxious or uncertain. He'll show me what to do so I can get back to feeling His peace.

God, do you know anything about gardening?

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." (James 1:5 NIV)

Do you find it difficult to ask for help? How can focusing on God help you to reach out to others when you're stuck in some area and need help?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Getting Settled

"Are you getting settled?"

That's a common question you hear after moving.

I understand. I've asked it myself when I know someone has changed houses.

The first week or so, I felt fine answering the question. We had just arrived in Platte, so of course the house was full of chaos.

The second week, I was also pretty comfortable with answering. "It's coming along," I would say, and meant it.

Now we've been here three weeks and I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable as I answer.

I'm sure no one expects us to be completely settled already, but if I'm not careful I can start to judge myself. Why don't I have more boxes unpacked? Why don't I have our pictures up on the walls yet? What have I been doing?

Truth is, life is more than just unpacking.

Dylan and I went down to Lincoln, Nebraska for a couple of days this week to visit Erin and Allison. 

We've been invited to supper several times as we get to know people at our new church.

Today Gary and I went to Luverne, Minnesota to help good friends say goodbye to their dad after he went through a long illness.

The boxes won't go anywhere, but those times to connect with family and friends needed to be enjoyed while we could.

Ever since the funeral this morning, my mind has been pondering the fact that we can never really "get settled" here on this earth.

We can enjoy the life God has given us. We can eat, drink, and be merry, but we have to remember that this life is only temporary. We can decorate our houses and yards, cook good meals, and enjoy our jobs and hobbies, but we have to keep a loose grip on everything. We need to be ready to move on, and we'll find it harder to do that if we're too settled here on earth.

Keeping our relationship with God our highest priority (through prayer and Bible reading) and spending time with people will ensure that we get settled well here in our new home.

The pictures and boxes are going to have to wait a little longer.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." (Colossians 3:2 NIV)

Do you feel pressure to "get settled" quickly after a move? How can focusing on God help you to keep your relationship with Him a high priority and also bless your relationships with family and friends?

*I just want to add a note about an offer from Simplify Magazine. You can get a lifetime digital subscription for just $20 and gift another one to a friend - check it out and do it before June 30. It might help all of us to think about areas of our lives where we keep too much stuff and get bogged down in things instead of what's more important.

  

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Recycling

Since we arrived here in Platte, I had been dutifully stacking my plastic bottles, tin cans, cardboard, and paper in our laundry room, hoping to figure out sometime where I could go to recycle all of it.

Back in Allison, we could weigh our cardboard and paper and then our church youth group would get a check at the end of the year. (Yes, it took lots of paper and cardboard to amount to anything, but it felt good to be contributing in that simple way)

Yesterday I finally asked someone if they have recycling in Platte and they regretfully told me that they didn't. "We really should!" she said, but she told me that all of their trash goes down to a landfill in Lake Andes.

We were going to Mitchell for something later that day, so I loaded my four or five small bags of recycling and wrote down the address of their recycling center, figuring we could drop it off while we were there.

It was late in the afternoon when we finally got done with visiting people in Corsica and Parkston, getting drivers licenses in Armour, and running a couple of errands in Mitchell. The GPS took us to the address I had, but we saw no sign of a place to recycle. We drove around a little bit, but finally gave up and we went home with my pitiful little collection of milk jugs, drink bottles, and junk mail.

 

I didn't cry, but I was seriously distressed. 

How could I go from faithfully recycling everything I possibly could for more than eight years to tossing everything in the church dumpster?

I joked around with Gary and said we could save up our paper, load it in our small trailer, and turn it in back in Allison sometime when we're going that way. He understood my pain, but pointed out that the gas we would burn to haul it that far would cost more and be worse for the environment than the benefits of turning it in.

I know, I know, and I don't want to put down my new state. I'm sure they have thought about the pros and cons of widespread recycling and they've made the decision that's best for their residents.

I'm just going to have to get used to doing things in a new way here.

As much as it will pain me at first to throw away paper, cardboard, plastics, and other things, I'm sure it will also free up some of my time. I won't experience the avalanche of trash that happened sometimes when I let my recyclables fill up our small closet by the back door. I won't have to take time to load up the vehicle and stop to unload stuff like we used to.

There might be a new freedom in all of this.

Do we sometimes do things like that with the way we think or the things we do?

We store up negative thoughts, planning to sit down and examine them one day and turn them into better ideas, but we store them too long and they avalanche out and lead to depression.

We keep doing the same mindless things over and over, hoping to have fun and relieve our stress, but those activities just keep us from accomplishing our real goals and get in the way because we won't get rid of them.

We keep eating the same junk foods because we're bored or anxious. Those empty calories get "recycled" into excess pounds of fat on our figures. It would be better to just throw away those junk foods (or at least eat them much less often) and try some new ways of eating that will lead to healthier bodies.

The Bible says there's nothing new:

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV)

Sounds like recycling, doesn't it?

The book of Ecclesiastes goes on and on about how meaningless life is. However, the author comes to an important conclusion:

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind." (Ecclesiastes 12:13 NIV) 

Maybe recycling isn't best for us in the long run.

Repeating the same patterns over and over probably won't get us where God wants us to go. Instead, we need to fear God (be in awe of Him) and keep his commandments (obey Him).

Those actions will create new ways of thinking and acting that will lead to exciting, fulfilling results. Results we may not even be able to imagine right now. 

I may cringe every time I throw away a plastic bottle for a while, but I pray that it reminds me to fear God and obey Him, expecting Him to accomplish great new things in my life.

Do you recycle? That's great if you can! How can focusing on God help you to get out of old destructive patterns and expect amazing new things instead? 

Focus Friday:Let's Focus on Greetings and Farewells

Transitions are hard.

I have to keep reminding myself of that.

It can be easy to get frustrated with all sorts of little things there are to get used to when you move to a new place.

Like reaching for the umpteenth time for a light switch that isn't there...it's on the other side of the door instead.

Like opening five cupboard doors to find the item you're looking for...finally locating it at last.

Like sitting down on the couch for a few minutes...and nodding off into a half hour nap when there's so much work to be done.

Like opening box after box after box...and still not finding the Sunday shoes your husband carefully packed somewhere safe. (We know they'll show up right after he buys another pair.)

Things like that can be frustrating, but they are all part of the moving process.

Our hands and brains will get used to where all of the light switches are.

Soon we'll open the right cupboard doors the first time.

Someday we'll get caught up on sleep and have more energy.

The shoes will turn up (well, I have my doubts about that one).

Our new house in Platte...it's already starting to feel like home.

In the midst of all of the moving chaos, we have greetings and farewells to experience.

Farewells to our church and community friends back in Allison. Wondering if we said goodbye well. Being grateful for cards and gifts and expressions of love and kindness from so many people.

Greetings to our new church and community friends here in Platte. So many names to remember. It was Vacation Bible School this week, so we got to know many of the kids. We're starting to meet people at businesses in the community. 

It seems a bit overwhelming right now, but I have to keep reminding myself that it felt that way in Chandler, and then it felt that way in Allison, but eventually we got to know people. 

I often say that I can't imagine my life without the people we've gotten to know in each place we've lived. 

I thank God for all of the people I've said "farewell" to over the years, and I thank God for all of the people I'm "greeting" right now. I know God has great things in store for all of us.

"I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus." (1 Corinthians 1:4 NIV)

Do you enjoy greetings and farewells? How can focusing on God help you to experience both with gratitude and joy?