Friday, February 5, 2016

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Sex

Don't get worried about this week's blog post. The title was meant to grab your attention, but I won't be saying anything inappropriate here. I just thought it might be time to discuss this important subject, especially since the world around us seems to be constantly bombarding us with messages that can confuse and depress us.

While I was in Florida I attended an Authentic Intimacy Conference. I was a little nervous about the subject matter, but it was a wonderful day. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow did a great job teaching us why our sexuality matters, what holy sexuality looks like, and how to restore intimacy with God.

Married and single women from all over Florida (and Iowa) soaked up their words and we went away with a better understanding of intimacy (and sex). Linda and Juli also did a question and answer session that was very tastefully specific. Women could text their questions to a certain number and the women answered many of them. They received 180 questions! Of course, they couldn't answer them all, but the ones they did answer helped everyone to think more about their own relationships and the challenges some people face.

Friends, do not be deceived by the lies that Satan tries to tell you about intimacy and relationships. Whether you are single or married, he'll try to deceive you. 

If you're single, he may lie and tell you you'll never find a spouse. He may tempt you to settle for a string of sexual encounters instead of waiting for sex within a marriage relationship. He may try to confuse you and make you wonder if you're actually attracted to someone of the same sex. He'll do anything he can to mess up your relationships here on earth so that you'll be less likely to enjoy a close relationship with the One who made you.

If you're married, Satan has all kinds of lies for you, too. He may whisper in your ear that you married the wrong person and you would be so much happier if you found your true soulmate. He may try to take away your satisfaction with marital sex when he shames you for the relationships you had before you got married. He might point out every physical flaw you have whenever you look in the mirror. He may tempt you with someone who seems to understand you so much better than your spouse does. He knows that a strong marriage is a great witness, so he'll try to ruin it any way he can.

Let's learn to recognize the lies! God's truth is so much better. He made us. He loves us. He wants what's best for us. He wants us to wait to have sex until we're married and once we're married He wants us to enjoy sex only within that relationship.

If there are problems, we can overcome them. It may take some hard work to recognize Satan's lies and replace them with God's truth, but it is possible. You and your spouse may need outside help to get to a better place in your relationship, but it will be worth it. Don't just live for years enduring a bad relationship. Make plans to improve it and get to a much better place. Every marriage goes through seasons. The loving feelings come and go, so hold on until they come back. Don't throw your marriage away during one of those difficult seasons.

I want to close by highly recommending that you go to and check out the resources there. You can buy books that help with relationships. They also have tons of questions and answers you can look at. You just might find the answer to some of the questions you have about your own relationships. Some of them get very specific, but nothing is too graphic. Linda and Juli want to help women everywhere have a more healthy view of intimacy and sex.

I'm also including a two minute YouTube video that team member Hannah Nitz made. When I inserted the video here, it just happened to show me! I'm right down the row from three ladies taking a selfie (about halfway through the video).

The most important intimate relationship we can have is our relationship with God. We can't see Him, but we can develop that relationship as we read the Bible, talk to Him in prayer, and learn to trust and obey Him. I pray that each of you falls more and more in love with Jesus in the days ahead.

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." (Psalm 63:1-3 NIV)

Are you happy with your human relationships (marriage and friendships)? Are you happy with your relationship with God? How can focusing on God help you to achieve greater intimacy in all of these relationships?


  1. Is Satan equivalent to science now? Science has proven that homosexuality is hard wired. It's not a choice anymore than choosing to breathe. Why are Christians so simultaneously intrigued and offended by sex and homosexuality?

    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you for your comment. I hope we can agree to disagree on the issue of homosexuality. Your statement about homosexuality being hard-wired sent me to the internet to see what research there is about that. I found an interesting article here which you may be interested in reading: I understand that the feelings and desires are real, but I believe God is able to help people choose to live pure lives in spite of their feelings and desires. I admit that many Christians don't act in very kind ways when they talk about sex and homosexuality. I'm sorry if you've been hurt or offended by someone. I don't want to offend, but I do want to stand firm on the truth. Please focus on the main theme of my post - intimacy is difficult but it is worth working hard to achieve whether it's in marriage or any other relationship. When our relationship with God is good, it carries over into our other relationships in life.
      Thanks again for your comment,