Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Brene' Brown

I have been binge-watching Brene' Brown TED talks and other interviews with her on Youtube this week.

It all started when I was looking for something to show and discuss at Fresh Hope on Thursday night. I found a great video by Brene' called Why Your Critics Aren't the Ones Who Count.

I watched it several times and wrote up some questions for our discussion. It was so good, I just knew it would help those of us who were meeting to get support and encouragement for our mental health.

After soaking up that talk, I went on to watch lots of other talks and interviews with Brene'.

A thought that kept popping up was the fact that shame and other negative emotions can often keep us "small," afraid to face criticism and judgment.

(Image from theshamelady.com)

Maybe that's why I often go through my day avoiding difficult, but ultimately fulfilling, tasks like writing articles and books. I fill my hours with trivial pursuits instead of getting serious about reaching my goals.

I find myself thinking "One of these days, I'll _________," but those days never seem to arrive. I keep spinning my wheels and don't make progress on much of anything.

It seems kind of silly that I even use inspiring TED talks to avoid doing the good work that God has called me to. 

Brene' Brown and other speakers can teach us and inspire us to grow emotionally. 

Chris Freytag and other coaches can teach us and inspire us to grow (or shrink) physically.

Beth Moore and other speakers can teach us and inspire us to grow spiritually.

We have to remember, though, that Brene', Chris, and Beth aren't going to do the work for us. We are the ones that have to choose different ways of thinking. We are the ones that have to spend some time moving our bodies and making healthy food choices. We are the ones that have to open our Bibles and spend quality time with the maker of our souls.

I'm ready to quit spinning in place. It's time to move forward, emotionally, physically, and spiritually...maybe after one more TED talk.

"Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint [I'm determined], and I know I will not be put to shame." (Isaiah 50:7 NIV)

Do you sometimes do things that keep you from moving forward in life? How can focusing on God help you to quit avoiding hard work and begin facing it so you can move ahead? 

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Monica Lewinsky

I never thought I would say that I learned something from Monica Lewinsky, but I did just that when I watched a TedTalk video and then noticed her video in the sidebar. "The Price of Shame" was the title that intrigued me and made me click.

Of course we all remember the shameful situation she is famous for. She had an affair with President Clinton when she was twenty-two years old. It has been about twenty years since then. I haven't really thought much about her in all those years, but if I did have any opinion of her, it was definitely negative. I was surprised to find her articulate, honest, and humble in her TedTalk. She pointed out how many people have done things that they later regret when they are 22 years old. She just had the misfortune of having her foolish (and sinful, I know) behavior broadcast on the internet for the whole world to see and criticize.

I was left with a greater appreciation for this infamous woman as she encouraged people to show greater empathy, especially those on the internet. She told about how upset her mother was when she found out about the suicide of Tyler Clementi after his roommate videotaped him kissing another man. Monica realized that her mother was reliving the days following her own shameful situation, days when she sat by Monica's bed at night and made her shower with the door open because she was afraid of what she might do to herself. Shame is a very difficult emotion to overcome, especially when so many people express their opinions on the internet with hardly a thought about the person they are criticizing or ridiculing.

She urged people to leave a kind word for someone who is going through a shameful experience. It can make all the difference for someone who is barraged by tons of negative opinions and comments. 

I've thought often about Monica Lewinsky in the days since I watched her talk. I take note of how the internet seems to be a place where so many people spout off about their negative views of other people. It's obvious that as a society, too many of us don't think about the feelings of others. Even when we don't agree with someone's actions or opinions, we can still be kind. We can remember that people have feelings. We can try to treat them as we would want to be treated if we made a terrible mistake or committed some atrocious crime and later were sorry for it. 

I'm glad Monica Lewinsky was able to survive her shameful experience and I hope that her message is spread far and wide in this world of cyberbullying. As Christians, let's set an example in how we act on the internet. Let's speak up for truth, but never forget that people need kindness and understanding more than a ruthless, insensitive comment. Let's leave many loving comments for those who are overwhelmed by the negative attention their situation attracts. It just may save a life. 

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV)

Have you noticed how people seem to comment without considering the feelings of the person they're attacking? How can focusing on God help us to find something to be kind and positive about as we comment on the internet?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Significance

I'm going to be starting a Bible Study with some very special women this Monday night. I don't even know who all of them are yet, but I know without a doubt that they are very special. How do I know? Because God calls them very special. 

I'm assuming that not all of them will feel very special when they come to the study that night. Some may feel like they don't measure up to the expectations their friends or family may have for them. Others may disappoint even themselves way too often. And I'll bet lots of them wonder if God is disappointed with them when they fail.

I struggle with those feelings at times. About twenty years ago I did a Bible Study with a group of women at our church in Rock Rapids, Iowa. "The Search For Significance" by Robert S. McGee changed my life back then, and God has been bringing it to mind so much lately that I think it's time for a repeat. Back then I went to Bible Studies but I would often not say a single word during our time together. I would go home and cry and feel terrible because I didn't feel confident enough to say what I was thinking. 

During "The Search For Significance" I finally started to speak up. I learned to base my worth on what God thought of me and I wasn't so worried about what everyone was thinking about me in the group.

This study will point us all to truths in God's word that will help us to avoid basing our worth on our performance and approval from others. We'll learn to accept love even if we have failed and realize that we are not hopeless and powerless to change.

The subtitle for "The Search For Significance" is "Seeing Your TRUE WORTH Through GOD'S EYES." I'm praying that this study changes all of us and helps us to fully realize how much God loves us and how freeing that can be as we live our lives for Him.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV)

Do you feel insignificant? Are you paralyzed by what others may think of you? How can focusing on God help you to live more freely and confidently?

(You're welcome to join us if you live in the Allison, Iowa area - or maybe you could start your own study with a group of friends wherever you live)