Spectacular Sunday: Let's Focus on Shaking Off Rejection

Image: DogWater 

I don't like rejection. I never have. In fact, I have gone to great lengths over the years to ensure that people don't reject me.

I have said certain things to please some people.

I have not said certain things to please other people.

The slightest hint of rejection (some of it even imagined, I'm sure) used to send me reeling as I tried to figure out what I had done to offend someone and what I could do to fix it.

I thought I had made some progress in this area in recent years, but then I met Amy.

Gary and I stopped to visit his mom at assisted living one afternoon. She was in the dining room with a group of ladies, playing cards. We stood and watched them play for a couple of minutes, and then I noticed a furry face next to the lady helping them play. She had brought her dog with her.

I locked eyes with the big animal and smiled.

The dog stared back and then moved a bit.

I made a comment about how much I love dogs, and then I moved around the table toward it.

The dog darted behind its owner. I dropped to the floor, expecting the dog to come greet me. Instead, the beast braced itself, bared its teeth, and growled menacingly.

"Amy!" its owner scolded. "She just wants to pet you!"

The dog growled again. I'm smart enough to know that Amy did not want to greet me, so I stood up and moved back around the table. 

We kept watching the ladies play cards, and listened to their shocked comments as the cards flew. "Wow, I've never seen her do that before!" "Amy, why did you growl at that lady?"

I may have been imagining it, but I thought I sensed a little suspicion in their glances. What did Amy know about me that they didn't?

The hand was soon over and we went to the room with Gary's mom. I joked about feeling rejected as we walked. Part of me wanted to go back and talk to Amy's owner and pet that dog, but I let it go.

Sure, rejection stung, but I also realized that I've come a long way in recent years. Whereas before I might have thought "What's wrong with me?" when something like this happened, this time I thought, "What the heck is wrong with Amy?"

I was able to shake off rejection quite easily because I was more secure in my sense of self-worth. I know I'm a person that loves animals, so I could shake off Amy's rejection as silly and unfounded.

If only it were that easy to shake off rejection when it comes from our fellow humans. For some reason, when another human rejects us, we sometimes take on that feeling of unworthiness and shame, even when it's silly and unfounded.

We have to be willing to look at ourselves honestly and make some changes if needed, but often the problem is more with the other person than with us.

When we're secure in our worth, it's easier to shake off rejection. 

Jesus Christ died for us. He endured a shameful, painful death on a cross to pay for our sins. Just accepting and believing that can increase our sense of self-worth.

We realize that we are incredibly valuable and we are enough, no matter what anyone says.

You hear that, Amy?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NIV)

Do you take rejection personally? How can focusing on God help you to shake it off and remember your true worth?  

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Rejection

I went in for a tune-up with my counselor in Waverly last week. 

I told her about several situations where rejection had really upset me and sent me spiraling down emotionally. 

In each situation, I recognized what was happening and came out of it quite quickly, but it hurt so much. I wanted her thoughts about how I could deal with rejection better.

She looked thoughtful, then suggested something a bit unusual.

"Your rejection button is broken," she stated. 

"When you feel those feelings, you just have to stop and tell yourself 'I can't process this correctly, so I'm not even going to go there.' Then do something to comfort yourself, just like putting a band aid or ice pack on a wound."

She acknowledged that there definitely is pain associated with rejection, but I could just do something to make me feel better instead of over analyzing.

"Could it involve ice cream?" I begged.

"Sure, sometimes. Just do something that will help you feel better. Listen to music, read a book, do something fun. Go spend time with someone who loves and accepts you unconditionally."

I looked at her blankly and realized I had another problem. I don't feel that way with very many people (probably because my rejection button is broken!). I think I'm always looking for a reason for them to reject me or reading more into the slightest hint of rejection they might show.

"I guess I'll have to talk to God about that," I said.

"Well, God. There you go!" 

I realized she was right. He's the only One I know loves and accepts me unconditionally. The Bible tells me that over and over again. 

When those situations come where I feel rejected, I can run to Him and pour out my pain to someone who understands.

And maybe I'll have a little ice cream, too.

"He [Jesus] was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain." (Isaiah 53:3a NIV)

Is your "rejection button" broken? How can focusing on God help you to let go of the pain of rejection and get back to a healthy way of thinking?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Gifts

The Butler County Fair is going on in our town this week. It has been fun to go up to the fairgrounds and watch many of the events. Our church has a booth where people can pick a duck from a tank full of water and win a prize. Most people can be convinced to stop when we just say, "Would you like to pick a duck?" Of course, many of them look at you like you're crazy until you explain how easy it is to win a prize. Every duck is a winner! The interesting thing has been seeing how many people refuse to pick a duck. They seem suspicious and they give their head a little shake and move right along to the next booth. They give up a sure prize because they don't trust our intentions. Our church just wants to offer people a free gift and put a smile on people's faces as they visit the booths at the fair.

As I saw quite a few people react that way to our free gift offer, I thought about how many people reject God's free gift because they are also suspicious. God offers us eternal life if we just believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and that His death means eternal life for us. 

They would rather keep going along in life just trying to do the best they can, not relying on anyone else for anything. They reject the gift because they think there are strings attached. God's grace is free, but we have to make the decision to accept it and live in it. We can't ignore it and keep walking along in life trying to do things on our own.

Would you like to pick a duck?

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23)

Are you suspicious of God's free gift offer? How can focusing on God help you to accept that gift and look forward to eternal life?