Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Medicine

This may be a tough post to write. I'm praying as I begin that it won't be a hard one to read. Stay with me and let me know what you think in the comments. 

I'm going to start a new antidepressant tomorrow morning. The old one worked quite well. It got me to a stable place after I was very sick with clinical depression about two years ago. It had a couple of minor side effects, so I talked with my doctor and decided to try a new medication and see if that works better.

I had to taper off the old medicine. When I went to a half dose, I felt quite good. I continued feeling great for the first few days after I stopped taking it completely. 

As usual, my idealistic tendencies started to kick in. 

Maybe I'll keep feeling great and I can get off medication.
Maybe I'm strong enough to keep depression away for good.
Maybe I'm not depressed anymore.

Then Thursday happened.

I had some frustrations with my laptop and when I tried to talk to Gary about it I dissolved in tears. At lunch time I was on the verge of crying for most of the meal. Little things upset me all day and I felt anger trying to take over. (I didn't let it.) Thank goodness we had Fresh Hope that night. Even though I cried more than usual, it was great to talk to friends who understood those feelings and could urge me to hang in there.

Earlier in the day, Gary came home for lunch and I went to him for a hug as I tearfully admitted "I don't want to need medication."

And that's really the sum of it. I'm proud. I want to be strong enough to do life without help. I don't want to have to take something.

The truth is, depression runs in my family. I've experienced many seasons of depression over the years. I always came out of it eventually, but not without lots of tears, frustration, and angst.

Thursday reminded me of those times. I hadn't had a day where I felt helpless to keep my emotions steady for a long, long time. I think medicine is a tool God has supplied to help keep me emotionally healthy. So, I will start taking the new medicine tomorrow and we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, it helps me feel even better than I did on the old one.

Most importantly, I'll keep working on the way I think and react to problems and stress. I may need medicine because of the way my brain chemistry works, but right thinking is also necessary for living well in all situations. Choosing to focus on what is true, excellent, and good will work with the medicine to keep me in a healthy place. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 NIV)

What do you think about taking medicine for depression or anxiety? How can focusing on God help you to accept the need for medicine, but also work on having a happy, healthy way of looking at life?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Feeling Good

It's Friday, and I'm feeling good. I've been feeling good for at least a couple of weeks now...and I'm a little scared. I haven't felt this good for this long for a long, long time, so I'm a little nervous that the downward spiral will start and I'll feel bad again.

I realize how silly that sounds, but I guess that's something I have to fight against because of my history of depression. I have had lots of good times over the years. I've enjoyed life for short periods of time, but it seems like my thinking often sends my emotions back down to a pretty dark place if I'm not careful (and it has become clinical depression a few times).

I've really been trying not to analyze my happiness too much, because I know that if I overthink it I'll ruin it. I'm trying to just enjoy it and make sure I'm doing all of the things I need to do to keep it going.

I think I'm finally on the right dose of the right medicine, so that's helping. I'm learning to think in right ways so that I don't think myself into a negative place when things don't go my way or stressful situations happen. I'm trying to make sure I balance my obligations with activities that bring me happiness. I'm learning to trust God completely and rest in His love instead of worrying so much about what will happen in the future.

Sometimes I can think myself into feeling bad because I compare myself to other people's lives and I feel guilty for feeling good. How can I deserve to feel happy when so many people are going through pain, grief, poverty, or injustice? That is flawed thinking, my friends, and I'm learning to reject it. I can care about the struggles that others are going through, but their problems do not mean that I cannot be happy. Choosing happiness in the midst of my own difficulties can be one of the best ways to show people what it means to trust in my awesome God. I'll have enough days where it's hard to choose that happiness; when it comes easily I need to enjoy it.

Here's something that's added to my happiness lately:

That's me and my "Peepsicle." I got it for just 18 cents recently. (A yellow peep is missing because I ate it before I got the bright idea to take a picture of it.) I'm going to be happy about that Peep sucker, even though I've had several people tell me that peeps are "nasty." They're welcome to their opinion - just don't take away my peeps!

I got the rubber stamp for 50 cents. I would never use it on a card and risk shaming someone who was feeling sad, but I set it on the windowsill in my kitchen and it reminds me to practice thinking happy thoughts. I realize we can't always think our way to happiness; sometimes we're just too overwhelmed or tired or sick. Many times, however, we are able to turn our thoughts around when we choose to think on things that are "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable." (Philippians 4:8)

When you're feeling good, enjoy it! Thank the Lord for those happy feelings and pray that they last a long, long time.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" 

                                                                   (Philippians 4:4 NIV)

Are you feeling happy today? Enjoy it! How can focusing on God help you to feel more happiness and enjoy life more?