Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Progress

I'm frustrated again.

I had gotten used to the hard blue cast on my left ankle over the past month. I was excited about going to the doctor last Friday to get it off, have some x-rays taken, and see what the next step would be. I was getting tired of not being able to put any weight on my left leg. I was hoping for a walking boot, but I knew that I still felt some pain at times so I wasn't sure if I'd be able to walk on my ankle yet.

The time for the appointment came, the cast was removed, x-rays taken, and the doctor came in to discuss them. She was pleased with the healing that was taking place and she pointed out a few things on the pictures. Then she declared that the nurse would come in shortly to fit me for a boot. My heart raced and I looked forward to walking until she went on to say that I still could not put any weight on that leg for at least another month. My hopes crashed as I realized I'd still be using my scooter to get around for a while.

My foot felt like it wasn't even part of my body as I looked at it before getting the boot on. It was swollen and shaky and dry skin was flaking off. Not a pretty sight. At all. That night I had more pain again and I could hardly sleep.

The boot is an improvement in some ways. At least I can take it off and shower without having to put a garbage bag over my leg. That's better. The boot is also worse. It's kind of a pain to undo five velcro straps and take it off and put it on a couple of times a day. It's frustrating to be in a "walking boot" and still not be able to walk. I sigh as I think about a month more of this and then limited weight bearing for probably another month.

Therapy has begun, but it's so basic. I move my foot back and forth, side to side, around in circles. I write the alphabet in the air with my big toe. It's incredible how hard that is. My foot is shaky and doesn't want to move where I want it to. It will come in time, I know, but for now it's just frustrating.

I want to walk now. It's difficult to focus on the progress I've made over the last six or seven weeks. I want to move ahead to the point where I'm taking long walks around our town again. I want to ride on the bike trail and go kayaking. All of that will have to wait until my ankle heals a little more.

We can do that in other areas of life, too. Sometimes we get frustrated when we don't see enough improvements. The weight doesn't come off quickly enough. Our temper doesn't improve fast enough for our liking. We don't spend enough time praying or reading our Bible and we feel like spiritual failures.

We want to jump ahead to the slim, calm, spiritually mature person that we see in our mind's eye. It's frustrating to limp through our imperfect days and not see the results we long for.

What we need to focus on is the progress we're making. Any progress we're making. I'm in a walking boot instead of a cast. That's an improvement. I'm starting to move my ankle after it's been immobile for about six weeks. That's an improvement.

I love a concept that Lysa TerKeurst talks about in her book "Unglued." She introduces the idea of imperfect progress. We don't become perfect, but we keep moving in the right direction. That is what we need to focus on, my friends. Try to focus on how far you've come, not on how far you have yet to go. Thank God for any speck of improvement you can see in your life, and don't focus on the setbacks that are bound to come.

Let's keep focusing on our relationship with the Lord and be glad for any imperfect progress we make.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

Is there some area of your life where you are frustrated with your lack of progress? Can you find some improvement to focus on and rejoice in any "imperfect progress" you can see?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Pain

Today we're going to focus on pain. Believe me, I don't want to. I thought about just skipping ahead to some other topic or aspect of "focus" but my heart said, "No." Now, I don't always listen to my heart, especially when my head is shouting all kinds of advice:

It doesn't really hurt that much.

If you were a good Christian you would be able to bear this trial patiently, in spite of the pain.

People will think you're tougher and braver if you don't admit to feeling much pain.

People don't want to hear you whine.

It gets pretty noisy up there, but I'm going to try to ignore it and let my heart share some thoughts about pain that I've been focusing on this past week.

I think most of my readers know that I missed a step at church on March 16 and broke my ankle. Amazingly enough, I didn't have severe pain at the time it happened. Oh, it hurt, but I wasn't writhing in pain all the way to the hospital. I didn't really even get any pain medicine until I was taken to a room for the night. I took a pill and a little later the nurse explained that they would set me up with a pain pump so I could push a button whenever I needed something. 

I tried to decline, politely. "Oh, I don't think I'll need very much medicine," I assured her, thinking that maybe they would just give me a pill once in a while. "That's okay," she replied. "We'll just set it up and you don't have to push it if you don't need it."

Much to my chagrin (and relief), I did push that little red button quite a few times during the night and over the next day and a half before I had surgery. After surgery it felt so much better. Going home went well and I settled into my easy chair, sure that I would soon feel great.

It hasn't gone as smoothly as I would have liked. The last few days have gotten hard. Even though it's not severe, I've been frustrated with the pain I'm still feeling. I'm tired of sore hands from hopping around the house with my walker. I'm tired of having to ask for help when I need something I can't carry. I'm tired of making Gary and the boys cook and do the laundry.

One morning this week I just looked at Gary and said, "Okay, I'm done with this. I want it to be over." He sympathized, but we both know that it's not over and it won't be for a while. Life is just harder for all of us and we have to make the best of it.

Quite a few people have commented that God must want me to "slow down." That may be true, but I wish he'd chosen a different way to show me that. He could have spoken from a cloud while we were hiking the Grand Canyon. I would have listened to Him, honest!

Instead, I am going through a time of pain and suffering. It's not just physical, as anyone dealing with a painful illness or injury knows. The pain is also emotional. I'm ashamed to admit how many times I've cried in the last week and a half. I cry for the pain that comes and goes, but I also just cry in frustration and grief. Limited mobility, admitting I need help, and feeling like a burden (even though my family does nothing to make me feel like that) are all tough to handle.

Today I went to the doctor and the nurse took off my temporary cast. I got my first look at my ankle after surgery:

Bruised and swollen, it's not a pretty sight. Now I understood why I felt some pain further up my leg sometimes. The incision goes that far!

By the end of the appointment my foot looked like this:

Now I have a hard plaster cast and my poor toes are all sticking out. I think I scared the poor nurse who was putting on my cast in the doctor's office. I teared up a couple of times (it was just one of those days) and got weepy as we were talking. My head kept saying, "Stop it! You look like a fool!" but my heart said, "Go ahead. Sometimes you just have to cry and get it out. Then you can move on." Sounds like a great way to deal with all sorts of pain we may have in our lives.

"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

Have you ever gone through a painful season (physically or emotionally)? Do you listen to your head or your heart in those times? How can keeping our focus on God help us through those times?