Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Being Neurotic

Lately I've been more aware of my thoughts and actions that tend toward the neurotic...

As we get ready to move, I feel the desire to ask everyone I know what I could have done differently while we lived here. I want to ask if I offended anyone and make it right before we leave. (I won't do that, but I am curious to know.)

The other day I subbed for the high school Spanish classes and I mentioned the "Overboard" remake with Kate Hudson and Eugenio Derbez. When I got home I realized I mispoke and it's actually Anna Faris. I felt the urge to send a message for the Spanish teacher to read so they knew it wasn't Kate Hudson. (I didn't do anything, but the desire was pretty strong.)

I often wonder if someone doesn't like me when they don't "like" or respond to a comment I've made on their Facebook post. (Even though I don't always have time to respond to every comment my friends make.)

We had a moving company come take inventory for an estimate yesterday and I wanted to ask the guy if we have more or less stuff than most people. (I didn't ask, but I so wanted to know.)

We left on vacation this morning, so yesterday I spent lots of time scanning in photos from an old album so I can return it to my parents when we see them tomorrow. I considered staying up all night so I could get more pictures done. (I didn't, but I only got about four hours of sleep because I stayed up way too late.)

I also stayed up til almost two because I decided that I finally had to get some Christmas cards sent out. I addressed envelopes and attached stamps, getting them ready to mail on the way out of town. (As I worked, I wondered why I couldn't have worked that hard earlier and gotten them out in December instead!)

Add to that all of the little thoughts I have each day about the things I'm thinking, feeling, and doing (or not doing) and I get dangerously close to being neurotic.

There is some good in being aware of what we're thinking, feeling, 

and doing.

It gets debilitating when we take it to extremes and analyze every thought, feeling, and action and it keeps us from getting things done or moving forward in life.

Thankfully, I have people in my life that can help me figure out when I'm being neurotic. I can run an idea past my husband or one of my daughters and they'll tell me if it would be a good thing to do or not.

I also have the Bible to guide me. The more I know it, the more I can recognize when I'm thinking in neurotic ways and take steps to think and act more rationally. (I can't do much about the feelings, but they'll often change when my thinking changes.)

We don't have to second-guess everything we decide to do. Sure, I stayed up way too late, but at least some of my Christmas cards finally got sent (and my friends are used to getting them late). 

We'll have those times every once in a while, but if we find them happening night after night or day after day, we may need to get some professional help to get to healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and acting.

Do you think it would be neurotic to ask everyone what they think of this week's post? Never mind. I don't need to know.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27 NIV)

Super Saturday: Let's Focus on Hiding Things

I've been running around hiding things this afternoon.

It's all because of Maddie Poppe.

I lead a Bible Study on Monday nights at 7 p.m. (We're doing Free to Lean by Jocelyn Green - it's so good!) 

Anyway, I was talking to some of the women who are in the study today and I asked what we should do this Monday. Maddie Poppe (our friend from nearby Clarksville, Iowa) is in the top 14 on American Idol and Monday night will be the big reveal show where we see if she goes on even further. (We just know she will, but all of you can help make that happen by watching on Sunday night and voting for her)

We talked about meeting at 6 and then going home to watch the show. Someone mentioned watching it together and I offered to have Bible Study at our house and then we could watch it together after that. I joked that it would give me an excuse to dust.

When I got home I looked around and realized I had lots of stuff to hide.

(Not my house...just a good illustration of hiding stuff)

I stashed a bunch of old magazines back in the bench they had come from.

I moved a couple of boxes to the den. I put a few things back in some drawers in the living room.

I moved an extension cord downstairs and put a pile of books on a shelf in the den.

I have a few more little piles to move before Monday night.

I haven't decided about the dusting yet. Part of me just wants to follow the advice of a woman I met many years ago. She said one of her friends just puts out a little sign that says, "You can admire the dust; just don't write in it."

As I was moving stuff around, I couldn't help but wonder at my sudden interest in making the living room look neat and tidy. I had ignored the piles for weeks (months?), but suddenly I felt the need to move them so my friends wouldn't see them.

The mess will still be there, it will just be hidden in the den and in my drawers and cupboards.

The women might be impressed with how clean everything looks, but they're smart enough to figure out that I'm probably hiding something (plus most of them read my blog, so they'll know for sure!).

Don't we do that in other areas of our life, too?

We paste on a happy face in public even if we're miserable on the inside and need help.

We post the perfect family pictures on Facebook and hide the family fights and problems.

We ignore the things that bother us about a close friend or relative because confronting makes us too uncomfortable.

Now, there's nothing really wrong with cleaning the house before someone comes over, but let's not pretend that our whole house looks perfect all the time. That's just not possible.

We can smile as we go through our day, but we need to drop the mask sometimes. It's important to have people we can go to for help and encouragement. People we can cry with. People who support us even when we're not smiling.

It's fine to post nice family pictures online, but let's try sharing a few candids once in a while that show that we struggle just like everyone else. (Get permission from your family first)

Bearing with the faults of our friends and relatives is admirable, especially if those faults are just quirky personality traits that bug us. We need to be brave, though, when that person is doing something that hurts others or puts them in danger. We need to show love and talk to them instead of ignoring the problem.

Thanks, Maddie Poppe. Because of you, my living room is finally going to be dusted. Good luck this weekend!

"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." (Ephesians 4:25 NIV)

Do you hide things instead of dealing with them at times? How can focusing on God help you to face whatever you're dealing with and not just hide it?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Jumping In

I'm in Michigan as I write this week. I've been enjoying Calvin College's Festival of Faith and Writing. It's a wonderful conference for anyone who loves words. I've met lots of writers here, but there are also many people who just love reading and come to hear some of their favorite authors speak.

This morning I decided to swim some laps in the hotel pool before breakfast. I made a grave error, though. I sat in the hot tub with Gary for about ten minutes before I went in the big pool. 

He went back to the room and I stood on the top step in the shallow end. Boy, it felt chilly! 

I stood there for a couple of minutes, then stepped down one more step. Yep, definitely cold.

Did I really want to exercise? Maybe I should just go back to the room. No, I did want to swim laps.

I stepped down again. Brrr!

I knew I was being silly. There really was only one way to get in the water. I had to do it fast or I wouldn't do it at all.

By standing on the step, all I was doing was wasting time. 

If I honestly wanted to swim laps, I just had to get wet all at once. I would get over the shock and the cool water would feel good once I started swimming.

I took a few deep breaths and plunged into the water.

Finally, I was in and I could get started on what I had set out to do.

Even as I stood on the steps, my mind couldn't help but compare that situation to my writing.

I know I want to write more. I know I'll feel good once I do it, but I stand in the "shallows" and ease in an inch at a time. It's a little hard getting started. I wonder if it's worth the discomfort. 

Of course, it is. Lots of things that are worth doing are uncomfortable at first. Maybe you have something that you've been putting off because you're afraid or uncertain. Jump in! You'll be so glad you did.

Oh, and please try to ignore the fact that I wrote something very similar to this about a year ago.

I've been standing on the step, easing into this writing thing for far too long. I really mean it this time, I'm going to jump in and do it. 

Maybe I just need someone to push me in. Any volunteers?

"As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will send you out to fish for people.' At once they left their nets and followed him." (Mark 1:16-18 NIV)

Have you been hesitating to start something God has called you to? How can focusing on God help you to jump in and get it done?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on Doing Things Badly

Lately I've become very aware of something I'm going to call "indecision paralysis." I just made that up. I don't know if it's a thing, but it puts words to what I've been doing in recent days (...months...years?).

You all know I have lots to do, right?

We're moving at the end of May (I blogged about that last week). Dylan graduates from high school on May 20. I still help out a few hours a week at the daycare. I have meals to cook and things to clean and writing projects galore.

So why don't I get very much done each day?

I get the urgent things done. I pay the bills before the deadline (usually). I prepare for meetings and show up for my scheduled shifts at the daycare. I do the easy things like loading the dishwasher, doing the wash, and setting the table.

But the rest of it often doesn't get done because of my "indecision paralysis." 

I'm not sure what to do first, so I don't do anything.

Or I'm not sure if I can do something as well as I would like, so I put it off, reasoning that I'll do it better when I have a huge block of time for it.

Or I don't know exactly how to do something, so I procrastinate.

I watched another TED talk on Youtube the other day. I found one by Olivia Remes called How to Cope With Anxiety (You can read an article that summarizes her points here).

I don't deal with a ton of anxiety, but I could relate when she talked about wasting lots of time deciding what to do and never getting anything done. That's me, I'm afraid.

Her solution: Do it badly.

Just jump in and do whatever you've been putting off. Don't worry about it being perfect or doing it well. You can always come back and fix it after it's finished, or do it better in the future as you practice and learn.

I think I'm going to try this in the days ahead. 

Dylan's party might not be absolutely perfect, but we'll have fun and I won't feel as much stress if I start working on it soon (instead of at the last minute).

There are a couple of tasks I've been putting off because I'm not sure I can do them well. It's time to get started and get them done. It's silly to keep thinking of them with dread and not work on them.

The move...well, that will happen whether I'm ready for it or not, but there's no reason I can't work on packing a little at a time so it doesn't all have to be done in the final few days.

I've been sitting here for a few minutes trying to decide how to end this week's post. I guess I'm just going to jump in and do it...even if I do it badly.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it [even badly] with all your might..." (Ecclesiastes 9:10a NIV - brackets mine)

Do you get paralyzed by fear and indecision at times? How can focusing on God help you to get things done, even if you do them badly at first?