Spectacular Sunday: Let's Focus on Shaking Off Rejection

Image: DogWater 

I don't like rejection. I never have. In fact, I have gone to great lengths over the years to ensure that people don't reject me.

I have said certain things to please some people.

I have not said certain things to please other people.

The slightest hint of rejection (some of it even imagined, I'm sure) used to send me reeling as I tried to figure out what I had done to offend someone and what I could do to fix it.

I thought I had made some progress in this area in recent years, but then I met Amy.

Gary and I stopped to visit his mom at assisted living one afternoon. She was in the dining room with a group of ladies, playing cards. We stood and watched them play for a couple of minutes, and then I noticed a furry face next to the lady helping them play. She had brought her dog with her.

I locked eyes with the big animal and smiled.

The dog stared back and then moved a bit.

I made a comment about how much I love dogs, and then I moved around the table toward it.

The dog darted behind its owner. I dropped to the floor, expecting the dog to come greet me. Instead, the beast braced itself, bared its teeth, and growled menacingly.

"Amy!" its owner scolded. "She just wants to pet you!"

The dog growled again. I'm smart enough to know that Amy did not want to greet me, so I stood up and moved back around the table. 

We kept watching the ladies play cards, and listened to their shocked comments as the cards flew. "Wow, I've never seen her do that before!" "Amy, why did you growl at that lady?"

I may have been imagining it, but I thought I sensed a little suspicion in their glances. What did Amy know about me that they didn't?

The hand was soon over and we went to the room with Gary's mom. I joked about feeling rejected as we walked. Part of me wanted to go back and talk to Amy's owner and pet that dog, but I let it go.

Sure, rejection stung, but I also realized that I've come a long way in recent years. Whereas before I might have thought "What's wrong with me?" when something like this happened, this time I thought, "What the heck is wrong with Amy?"

I was able to shake off rejection quite easily because I was more secure in my sense of self-worth. I know I'm a person that loves animals, so I could shake off Amy's rejection as silly and unfounded.

If only it were that easy to shake off rejection when it comes from our fellow humans. For some reason, when another human rejects us, we sometimes take on that feeling of unworthiness and shame, even when it's silly and unfounded.

We have to be willing to look at ourselves honestly and make some changes if needed, but often the problem is more with the other person than with us.

When we're secure in our worth, it's easier to shake off rejection. 

Jesus Christ died for us. He endured a shameful, painful death on a cross to pay for our sins. Just accepting and believing that can increase our sense of self-worth.

We realize that we are incredibly valuable and we are enough, no matter what anyone says.

You hear that, Amy?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NIV)

Do you take rejection personally? How can focusing on God help you to shake it off and remember your true worth?  

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on the Victory of Admitting Defeat

I attempted NaNoWriMo this month. Writing 50,000 words in the month of November is no small task. It's only 1,667 words per day, but when you skip a few days here and there and get behind it gets a little tricky.

I let that happen this year.

I wrote 20,000 words in one day a few years ago, so I think I was subconsciously planning to pull another one of those and win the thing in spite of getting behind.

Yesterday I wrote 4,519 words and got up to 34,018 by bedtime. I knew I would need to write 15,982 words today, but I figured I could do it, no problem.

But I still exercised this morning. I wrote a few thousand words. And then I went along with Gary to go out for lunch and visit someone this afternoon. I wrote a little more. And then we had Christmas program practice. I got home at six and considered attempting nonstop typing to get done, but I had a moment of clarity and decided to let it go this year. 

Instead, Gary and I went and enjoyed "The Grinch" at our local theater. We got home at nine and then I really accepted this year's loss. There was no way I could possibly finish by midnight.

 But even before we left to see the movie, I realized something. I think I just might be maturing.

In years past, I would have spent hours typing lots of nonsense just to get to the 50,000 words. I would have gotten upset if I had been interrupted, and I never would have spent time with my husband instead of reaching the goal.

So I'm declaring this year a victory!

The victory of admitting defeat.

We all have to do that sometimes. Maybe for you it isn't with writing. 

Maybe for you it's with some other project you hoped to have completed by a certain date.

Maybe for you it's with a relationship that you hoped to restore to what it was like years ago.

Maybe for you it's with getting physically fit. You skip exercising every once in a while or you keep overeating even though you know it's bad for you.

You have to admit defeat.

But can you admit that with a mature attitude instead of getting upset and pouting about it?

Can you see the strides you made while you worked on that project, that relationship, that exercise program?

Can you look at things objectively and make plans to take steps to finish your project even though it wasn't according to your original timetable?

Can you do something to improve that relationship just a little bit, or make the decision to let it go if necessary?

Can you renew your commitment to exercise a little more and eat a little healthier, knowing that those things will move you toward better health and fitness?

When we are mature, we'll admit when something isn't working and we'll change what we're doing so that we reach our goals and live a good life. (Maybe we'll even write 50,000 words earlier in the month instead of leaving it until the last few days of NaNoWriMo)

"Brothers and sisters, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults." (1 Corinthians 14:20 NIV)

Are you able to admit defeat? How can focusing on God help you to do that with a mature attitude and move on from there?

Super Saturday: Let's Focus on Thanks

I feel like keeping this week's post short and sweet.

We've just celebrated Thanksgiving and now we almost feel forced into the Christmas season with Black Friday sales and Christmas carols on the radio.

Maybe we need to linger a bit longer in that attitude of thanksgiving. In that vein, I thought I'd list a few things I'm thankful for here, and I invite you to share some of your own in the comments (or at least ponder them in your own heart for a while).

I'm thankful for:

God (who provided His love and all of the other people and things on this list)

My family (Gary and our children, but also each one of our extended family members)

Friends (I often say that I can't imagine my life without each person God has brought into our lives as we've moved over the years)

This beautiful world (We love to travel and explore its many wonders)

(taken this October in Canada)

The hardships I've had to go through (Yes, I'm even thankful for those times, because they helped shape me into who I am today)

The future (With all of its many possibilities and surprises)

It's good for our mental health to practice gratitude, so let's not forget to do that each and every day.

So grateful for each of you, ~Robyn

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." (Psalm 107:1 NIV)

Are you thankful for everything in your life? How can focusing on God help you to be grateful every day?

Focus Friday: Let's Focus on One Little Thing

I had trouble getting out of bed for a few months.

I would set the alarm for 6:30 every night, but when it rang in the morning I would reach over, shut it off, and remain in bed.

On a good day I would get up after a little while, by 6:45 or so.

On a "bad day" I would lie there, sleeping off and on until 8 or even 9:00. It wasn't that I was super tired. I got to bed at a reasonable time. I didn't feel especially depressed, but I just couldn't seem to get up. 

I tried to figure out if I was dreading something and how I could change my thoughts so I was more excited about getting up.

I gave myself stern pep talks the night before about how important it was to get out of bed and get the day started.

Nothing worked. My rising time was still sporadic and I felt like a failure because I couldn't seem to do what I said I wanted to do.

Finally, I changed one little thing and I have rolled out of bed for ten days straight at 6:30 a.m.

I moved my alarm clock to the far side of my bedside table.

Just that two feet change caused me to move enough so that I've gotten up every single day. I can't just reach out and turn off the alarm anymore. I have to stretch over and my feet touch the floor and I'm up.

I started thinking about other situations that might be changed by one little thing.

You don't read your Bible as often as you say you want to? Put it beside your place at the breakfast table or on the kitchen counter so you can open it and read a few verses as you eat or while you're waiting for something to cook. One little thing.

You feel like your relationship with a parent or a child or a sibling isn't as close as you'd like? Make a note on the calendar to call that person once a week instead of waiting until you think of it. One little thing.

You're tired of the clutter getting in your way in your home? Fill a box with items you no longer need or use and put it in the car so you can drop it off at Goodwill the next time you go that way. One little thing.

You never seem to get any closer to accomplishing your dreams or goals? Write down as much as you can about all of the steps necessary to complete the project and then write the first small step on your calendar. One little thing.

As we keep doing one little thing at a time, those little things will add up and soon we'll be in the habit of getting up on time, reading our bible regularly, having great relationships, keeping our lives free of clutter, and accomplishing our goals.

It all starts with one little thing.

"Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.[One little thing that led to the man's healing]" (John 5:8 NIV - brackets mine)

Do you have problems or frustrations that keep you stuck? How can focusing on God help you find one little thing you can do to get unstuck?